Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and the Guilt of Taking Time Off: Tips to Let Yourself Rest
A note from the author: This blog post was updated in August 2025 with some new reflections and added insights.
If you can’t take a break without feeling guilty, this one’s for you.
Especially in a place like New York—and even more so for women—balancing work and life can feel like a full-time job in itself. You might know that taking time off (whether it’s PTO, sick leave, or just giving yourself a real break, whatever that looks like) is good for you. You might even encourage your friends to do it. But when it comes to letting yourself rest? That’s where things get messy.
Whether it’s pressure from your workplace (I see you, “unlimited” PTO that most of us are too afraid to take advantage of), hustle culture telling you to keep powering through, guilt about letting people down, fear of falling behind, or that inner critic whispering (or, let’s be honest, shouting) that rest is lazy—you’re not imagining it. There are a lot of barriers to actually taking (and embracing) time off.
As a therapist who works with perfectionists and people-pleasers, I see this come up all the time. I work with high-achieving women in their 20s and 30s who want to be the most helpful, reliable, successful versions of themselves, but often end up sacrificing their own needs in the process. They’re starting to realize they want to slow down, but worry about what they’ll lose if they do.
And honestly? I’ve been there too. Taking time off (and then actually enjoying it) can feel weirdly difficult when you’re used to being productive, present for everyone else, and on top of everything. It’s easy to make excuses to work when you’re sick, to answer emails during a “day off,” or to log in while you’re vacation—especially when being productive feels safer than resting.
So, let’s talk about it—and break down some ways to rest with less guilt and more intention.
1. Get Curious About the Guilt
We could jump right into the “tools,” but identifying where your discomfort is actually coming from is a huge part of shifting these patterns. These beliefs didn’t come out of nowhere—you learned them over time. Understanding the root helps you move forward with more clarity (and compassion).
So, why do you feel guilty taking PTO or calling out sick?
There’s usually more than one answer. But here are some common themes:
Fear of falling behind or being seen as lazy.
Beliefs that your worth is tied to being productive or needed.
Anxiety around job security or financial pressure (especially in today’s economy).
A culture of overwork, where it seems like no one else is resting either—especially if your coworkers rarely take time off, or still check email and Slack while they’re “on vacation.”
Subtle (or not-so-subtle) societal or workplace messages that “real dedication” means pushing through.
TL;DR: It’s probably a mix of internal beliefs, external pressures, and a whole lot of unhelpful messaging about what it means to be “successful.”
2. Let Go of the Need to Justify Time Off (And Rest in General)
Once you do take time off, do you find yourself over-explaining it? Offering to work extra before or after? Feeling the need to “earn” the break by being extra productive beforehand?
When rest feels indulgent (rather than necessary), it’s easy to get stuck trying to prove you deserve it. You might even internalize comments like, “Wish I had time for a break,” or “Must be nice...” as evidence that you’re doing something wrong.
And especially when it feels like your coworkers will have to cover for you—or like you’ll come back to an overflowing inbox and a ton of work—it can start to feel like taking time off is more trouble than it’s worth. So, you convince yourself it’s easier to just push through, or save the break for “later” (whenever that is).
But ultimately, the more you try to justify rest, the more you reinforce the idea that it’s something to feel guilty about. You don’t need to earn your time off, and you definitely don’t need to explain it away.
(Let’s be honest: the way a lot of jobs give time off based on how many hours you’ve worked only reinforces the idea that time off is something to earn, not something you need to function.)
And if your coworkers or leadership seem to glorify burnout? That doesn’t have to be a sign to hustle harder. It’s not a reflection of your dedication—it’s a sign that the culture might be broken. It’s okay to question that, instead of constantly questioning yourself.
3. Normalize the Discomfort (Without Letting It Run Your Life)
It’s completely understandable to feel uncomfortable when you think about slowing down. So many people feel that—which is exactly why so many people don’t let themselves try it. But just because that discomfort is common doesn’t mean it’s healthy. And it definitely doesn’t have to be your normal.
Feeling guilty when you rest isn’t a reflection of your work ethic. More often, it’s a sign that you’re used to carrying too much—mentally, emotionally, logistically. It might even feel safer to keep going than to pause and sit with what comes up when you actually pause.
Wanting and needing rest isn’t just normal, it’s essential. Your body and brain need recovery. Rest boosts creativity, energy, emotional regulation, and yes, productivity. And more importantly, it gives you a change to actually enjoy your life, not just recover from it. (You can read my blog on how to recover from burnout, here.)
These reactions—guilt, discomfort, restlessness—are understandable responses to a culture that glorifies burnout and overwork. Recognizing that is a powerful first step in choosing something different. It gives you permission to start re-evaluating how you want to spend your time and energy, and to make choices that support your well-being instead of just your output.
4. Start Small
If the idea of taking a full vacation (or *gasp* taking a real day off—like, one where you actually rest and don’t do “just these couple of tasks I’ve been meaning to do”—especially when you’re not feeling well 🫨) makes your chest tighten, you don’t have to start there (but bonus points if you do!).
Instead, try building a habit of smaller, intentional breaks into your day. It’s not about doing the perfect self-care routine—it’s about building the muscle of noticing and honoring your needs.
If your tendency is to:
Take as little time off as possible
Eat lunch at your desk (or skip it altogether)
Stay inside all day because you’re so focused on work
Delay even basic needs like bathroom breaks
It probably means you’re not used to checking in with yourself and paying attention to your needs. These are signs that you’ve been learned to override your needs for the sake of productivity.
Instead, you might try:
Actually taking your lunch break (away from your desk, if possible—even if it’s just another corner of your room if you work remotely).
Scheduling at least 1–2 short pauses during the day (even 5-10 minutes counts). You can use that time to walk, stretch, breathe, drink water, pet your dog, do a short guided meditation, or just stare into space.
Not skipping bathroom breaks. I know—it sounds small. But honoring even your most basic needs is part of the bigger picture of learning to take up space and care for yourself.
Short breaks also remind you that you don’t have to be laser-focused or productive every second of the day. That belief—that constant output equals value—is one you’re allowed to start questioning. These small shifts build the foundation for taking bigger breaks with less guilt.
5. Reframe How You Think About Time Off
To start actually taking time off—like, really prioritizing and allowing yourself to enjoy it—here are some mindset shifts that can help:
Time Off is a Necessity, not a Luxury
Rest isn’t something you get to do once everything else is done. It’s something you need in order to keep doing those things well—and without completely burning out. It’s actually an investment in your productivity and your physical and mental health.
Boundaries Can Be Kind and Firm
Setting limits doesn’t mean being rude, rigid, or unprofessional. It means respecting your capacity—and creating a work life that’s actually sustainable (and truly productive). Boundaries help you stay present and show up as your best self, before burnout and resentment start taking over (because it’s pretty hard to be kind or collaborative when you're running on empty).
That might look like:
Not checking email or Slack while you’re away (and setting an OOO response to make that clear), after work hours, or during your lunch break.
Saying no to “just one quick thing” on your day off.
Not mentally solving work problems when you’re off (yep, even if it’s tempting) – if you need to remember to get back to it, you can make a quick note to yourself.
Sticking with your boundary, and not over-justifying it, even if someone else reacts with judgment or guilt-tripping.
(For a little more on how to set kind but firm boundaries, check out my other blog post.)
You Don’t Have to Over Explain
You can communicate openly with your boss or coworkers about your time off without going into apology or justification mode. A clear, respectful heads-up is enough. You’re not doing something wrong by advocating for yourself or being mindful of your needs and limits—you’re doing something responsible and helpful for your well-being.
Self-Compassion Is Non-Negotiable
You’re not broken or weak for needing rest. You’re just human, and it’s okay (actually, necessary) to take care of your human needs, even if others seem to be powering through. (And by the way, that coworker who never takes time off and seems to be crushing it might be silently burning out too). Denying your needs doesn’t make them go away, nor does being self-critical.
6. Get Support from a Therapist
If all this still feels really hard—and you find yourself stuck in guilt, anxiety, or chronic overworking—it’s okay to get support in getting yourself unstuck.
Therapy can help you figure out why these patterns show up and what you actually need to feel safe enough to let go a bit. Even if you’re self-aware, insightful, and used to figuring things out yourself, you really don’t have to do this alone.
Rest Isn’t Optional. It’s Essential (Yup, Even for You)
If work has become the main focus of your life, it’s worth stepping back and asking what you’re really working toward. Time off isn’t slacking—it’s self-respect. It’s a way to protect your mental health, show up more fully in your relationships, and live a more balanced (and honestly, more enjoyable) life.
You deserve that. And even if it feels hard at first, it is possible to rest without guilt.
And yes—you can still be a responsible, hard-working, caring person and take time off.
Is Perfectionism Therapy in Garden City, New York The First Step to Resting Without Guilt?
If the idea of taking time off leaves you anxious, guilty, or overwhelmed—you’re not alone. Many of my clients come in feeling stuck between burnout and the pressure to keep going. From my Garden City–based practice, I work with perfectionists and people-pleasers who want to slow down, but worry what they’ll lose if they do. In perfectionism therapy, we explore those patterns with curiosity (not criticism), and build practical tools for setting boundaries, honoring your needs, and letting rest feel be something you already deserve—not something you have to work for.
You don’t need to have the perfect words, the perfect schedule, or the perfect reason to start. You just need to bring yourself.
Learn more about how I support anxious perfectionists who struggle to rest
Start imagining what it could feel like to pause—without guilt
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If perfectionism is only part of what’s keeping you from resting, you’re not alone. Patterns like anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, and overthinking tend to show up together—especially when you’re used to carrying too much and putting others first. At Balanced Connection Counseling, I offer therapy in Garden City, NY for women who are ready to step out of survival mode and into more balanced, compassionate ways of being. Whether you’re craving healthier boundaries, more emotional bandwidth, or simply the chance to slow down—therapy can be the place to start.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who offers online therapy for perfectionism, people-pleasing, and burnout throughout New York. She works with women who find themselves stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and the guilt of taking care of themselves. With compassion and clinical grounding, Adina helps clients explore those patterns, dig deeper, and learn to care for themselves without sacrificing everything. In perfectionism therapy, she reminds you that you’re allowed to lean on others for support, just like you let others lean on you.