Balancing Your Needs Under Social Pressure: A Therapist’s Guide for Perfectionists and People-Pleasers
A note from the author: This blog post was updated in September 2025 with some new reflections and added insights.
You were planning a quiet weekend in, fantasizing about all the rest you were gonna get (and let’s be honest, probably also how productive you were gonna be)... until a friend reached out asking you to go out tomorrow night because they’ve had a tough week. Or your group chat started blowing up about trying out a new restaurant, and everyone else plans to go. Or maybe, your mom asked you to help out with something she could technically do herself… again. And suddenly, you find yourself saying yes.
Even though you knew how much rest you actually needed (and really wanted).
As a therapist for perfectionism in New York who works with perfectionism and people-pleasing—all day, every day—I see this exact pressure show up for a lot of my clients. Often, perfectionism and anxiety walk hand in hand, making it even harder to say no when you need to. And if I’m being honest? I still get caught in this trap sometimes (extra honestly? It still happens a little more often than I’d like, and I’m working on it too!).
Balancing your needs with social expectations is tricky. Relationships matter, and it’s healthy to treat them like they do. But when the pressure to show up, make people happy, or “be there” for everyone takes over, your own needs often get pushed to the bottom of the list—until you’re exhausted, resentful, or burned out.
So, let’s break this down. Why does it feel so hard to prioritize yourself—and what can you actually do about it?
Understanding the Pressure to Be There for Everyone
Whether you realize it or not, you’re probably navigating social expectations all the time.
Maybe it’s a family member who regularly reminds you how long it’s been since you visited, or a workplace that low-key implies you’re not “part of the team” if you skip happy hour. Or maybe it’s a friend with endless energy who always wants you to come along.
Add in social media, and it looks like everyone’s life is full and exciting. Cue the comparison, FOMO, and pressure to keep up.
We’re constantly flooded with messages about what’s “normal” or “expected”—whether or not those things are actually realistic (or even truly expected by others).
And if you grew up being the responsible one in your family, or you’ve taken on a role where people often turn to you for support, it can feel like it’s your job to always be available, helpful, and reliable. You might have friends and family who are used to you showing up and supporting them no matter what—or know you’re the one who’ll always agree to go out, help out, or just be there. Over time, those expectations (spoken or unspoken) can make it even harder to pull back, even when you need to.
Saying “no” can bring up all kinds of fears: disappointing people, losing relationships, seeming selfish, or having to deal with conflict. But constantly saying “yes” doesn’t leave you feeling connected—it often leaves you feeling exhausted.
Recognizing (And Honoring) Your Own Needs
When you’re used to saying “yes” and ignoring your needs, it can feel hard to even recognize them in the first place.
Like maybe you agree to brunch with a friend, even though you’ve had a hectic week and were craving a quiet morning and a nap. Or you say yes to an event when you know you’re already spread thin.
Sometimes, you do notice what you need—but push it aside out of guilt or fear. Other times, it might feel totally unfamiliar to even ask yourself what you want. Either way, it’s okay if this takes some time to reconnect with.
A great place to start? Journaling.
You can try prompts, or just free-write about recent choices, how you’re feeling, and what’s been pulling at your time and energy. Some helpful things to reflect on:
What kinds of things are you saying yes to—and why?
How do you feel before, during, and after saying yes?
Would you make a different choice if you knew the other person wouldn’t be upset?
What (or who) tends to drain you vs. fill you up?
Are there any patterns of guilt, resentment, or pressure that pop up?
You can also explore the stories you tell yourself—like what you “should” do, and where those beliefs might come from (your family, culture, social media, past experiences, etc.).
I often encourage clients to check in on their core values—and see how their choices line up. If you’re not totally sure what your top values are (no shame—it’s not always obvious), try looking up a values list and narrowing it down to a few that feel true for you.
Perfectionism therapy can be a helpful space to explore all of this even more deeply—especially if you tend to brush aside your own needs or avoid conflict. The more you reflect, the easier it gets to notice when you’re saying “yes” out of obligation vs. genuine desire.
A Therapist’s Tips for Managing Social Pressure (Without Burning Out)
So, you can see why prioritizing your needs is totally fair, and actually important, but how do you actually do it?
That’s one of the questions I hear most often in perfectionism therapy—because learning how to step back from people-pleasing without losing connection can feel like a brand-new skill.
Here are some practical strategies to help you prioritize your needs without ghosting everyone or becoming the “bad friend” your inner critic warns you not to be:
Identify your limits
Check in with your emotional and physical capacity. Reflect on times you’ve pushed past your limits—what signs did you miss? What do you wish you’d done instead?
Schedule time for yourself (like, actually schedule it)
If it’s not on your calendar, it’s easy to let other things take priority (and to feel like you should say yes to every invite or request, because you’re technically free). Treat time alone—whether for rest, creativity, or just a break from being “on”—as a real commitment. Prioritizing your own space isn’t selfish; it’s what helps you stay steady when you’re regularly showing up for others.
Practice saying “no” (in small ways first)
Start with low-stakes situations, so you’re not diving right into the deep end, and can let yourself practice and show yourself you can handle it. In saying “no,” you can still be kind and clear. For instance: “I’ve got a lot going on right now, so I’m laying low this weekend,” or “I’d love to catch up soon, but I need a quiet night to recharge.”
Set expectations ahead of time
If you’re making changes, let people know! This helps to set up realistic expectations, reminds you of your goals and intentions, and keeps you from having to let people know for the first time right as everything’s happening. You can tell people: “I’m trying to leave a little more space in my weekends, so I’m limiting plans to one or two things,” or “I’ve been feeling pretty run down lately, so I’m getting serious about rest—hope you understand!”
Try compromises
Want to go to an even but staying the whole time feels like too much? You can offer to join for part of it. Meeting someone in person feels like too much extra work right now? You can suggest catching up over FaceTime. Compromise lets you find a middle ground that works for you and the other person.
Reframe the guilt
Feeling guilty doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong. It often just means you’re doing something different (especially when that something “different” involves actually considering your own needs). Try reframing “no” as a way of respecting your limits and your relationships by not overcommitting and burning out.
Practice self-compassion
Your needs, your rest, your preferences? They all matter. And yes, you’re allowed to say no to something—even if you could technically make it work—just because you don’t want to.
De-personalize others’ reactions
Other people’s expectations and feelings aren’t always about you. If someone’s used to you always saying yes, it might take some time for them to adjust. A reaction doesn’t inherently mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Let yourself have feelings—but don’t let them run your life
You might still feel guilty, uncomfortable, or uncertain. That’s okay (and totally normal). Let those feelings be there, without letting them dictate your choices.
Balancing Social Expectations with Your Personal Priorities
Prioritizing your needs isn’t about never showing up for others or always choosing yourself. It’s about balance.
You’re allowed to care about your people and take care of yourself. You can be kind and compassionate and assertive. You can show up in your relationships and honor your limits.
This takes time, and you won’t always get it right. And that’s all normal.
Try scheduling time for rest, hobbies, or solo time the same way you would a social event or a work task—and treat it like a commitment (because it is).
Your energy matters, and so does your well-being. And the more you practice, the easier it gets to protect your time without losing your relationships—or yourself.
Over time, the weight of perfectionism and anxiety starts to loosen, and you get to practice showing up in ways that feel authentic, not just expected.
Is Perfectionism Therapy in Garden City, New York the Support You’ve Been Needing?
If you’ve been noticing how often you say yes when you really want to say no, you’re not alone. From my Garden City–based practice, I support perfectionists and people-pleasers who are constantly pulled between their own needs and the expectations of others. In perfectionism therapy, we work on untangling those patterns—so you can set boundaries, listen to your needs, and still have meaningful connections without running on empty. You don’t have to wait until you’re completely burned out to begin.
Learn more about how I support people-pleasers and anxious perfectionists like you
This season, instead of losing yourself to pressure, consider giving yourself the gift of balance. Therapy can help you feel more grounded, steady, and connected to what really matters.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If social pressure has you realizing that perfectionism isn’t the only weight you’re carrying, you’re not alone. Anxiety, people-pleasing, and burnout often work hand in hand with perfectionism—leaving you stretched thin and disconnected from what you really need. That’s why I offer perfectionism therapy in Garden City, New York and therapy for women, alongside support for the patterns that make it hard to step back, set boundaries, or protect your energy. Therapy can give you space that isn’t about expectations, but about finding clarity, rest, and a version of balance that works for you.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor offering online therapy for perfectionism and anxiety throughout New York. She works with women who find themselves over-committed, over-giving, and exhausted from trying to meet everyone else’s needs while neglecting their own. With compassion and clinical insight, Adina helps women untangle the grip of people-pleasing and perfectionism—especially when the pressure to say yes overshadows their ability to slow down. In perfectionism therapy, she reminds you that you don’t need to keep proving your worth to deserve care, calm, and support.