How to Overcome Anxious Perfectionism and Indecision (When Every Choice Feels Like the Wrong One)
Being an anxious perfectionist might have some upsides—like pushing yourself to work hard and keeping up with high standards. But honestly, the downsides are real, and one of the biggest is indecision. Whether you find it hard to make decisions in the first place—or you make them but doubt yourself the whole time, second-guessing and worrying that you’ve definitely made the wrong choice—it can really drain your time, energy, and self-worth.
In my private practice, I often work with anxious perfectionists who get stuck in indecision. These are really capable, intelligent, empathetic people—but they come to see me because they struggle to trust themselves. And honestly? I’ve been there. I’ve struggled with indecision too. I really get it. But over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time understanding these challenges and helping my clients—and myself—work through them in therapy for anxious perfectionists.
So, let’s talk about why this happens and what you can do about it.
Why Every Choice Feels Like the Wrong One
You might have grown up in an environment where caregivers, adults, or peers made it seem like there was only one “right” way of doing things, or put pressure on you (whether subtle or not) to make the “right” choice, to not mess up. And if you made the “wrong” choice, maybe you were criticized—or maybe not, but there was always that nagging fear that next time, the wrong choice could be the last straw. Or you might have had adults in your life who made a lot of decisions for you, so you never truly got to practice decision-making.
Our culture doesn’t exactly help either. Social media and traditional media both tend to highlight people’s mistakes, making it feel like if you don’t have it all together, you’re failing. So, it’s no surprise that we start to think there’s only one right choice—and if we pick the wrong one, that’s it for us. This mindset can lead to not trusting ourselves at all.
As a therapist for perfectionism, a common theme I see with my clients—and even experienced myself—is that even when you can make a strong case for one choice, you can often come up with an equally strong argument for the other choices (even if you know some of those arguments are a bit of a stretch). You’re good at seeing all sides of the situation—which is a great skill a lot of the time. But when it goes too far, it leaves you feeling confused and overwhelmed.
A big part of perfectionism is control, and anxiety adds on by making uncertainty feel scary. And what makes it tougher is that when we make a decision, we’ll never know how the other choice would’ve turned out. So, our anxious perfectionism convinces us that the other option was the better one, when in reality, it’s just as likely the other option would’ve turned out the same—or even worse! But perfectionism tells us there’s 1 right choice, that we should know how to pick it, and that failure just isn’t an option.
How to Overcome Indecision
Practice making decisions and sticking with them
Start small, like what to order for dinner, and build your way up to bigger decisions. Proving to yourself that you can make decisions and handle whatever comes next is a huge step in building self-trust.
And let yourself make mistakes here and there—starting with small ones. Easier said than done, but this is key to learning that mistakes aren’t the end of the world—even if it feels like it at first. Making mistakes and showing yourself you can get through it is part of overcoming indecision.
Try cognitive defusion
This one comes from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and it’s all about distancing yourself from your thoughts. When you’re stuck in self-doubt or fear about making the “wrong” choice, practice just noticing those thoughts as thoughts—not as facts about you. It’s a game changer.
Think about how important the choice really is
If it’s not a big deal, take some pressure off. I sometimes have clients use a simple scale: if the decision is a 6/10 or higher in importance (or whatever rating fits best for you), spend more time thinking about it. If it’s below a 6, allow yourself to make the decision without much back and forth.
Set a time limit for decisions
Ever notice that after a while, your thoughts just go in circles when you’re trying to decide? At that point, you’re not actually gaining any new information. For less weighty decisions, try setting a timer. When it goes off, pick the option that feels best (even if one just barely edges out the others). For the bigger decisions, you can set a decide-by date for yourself, but still set a more concrete limit for yourself on how much time you’ll give to think through it each day until then.
Reframe your thoughts
In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), reframing is used a lot for our automatic thoughts. When you're stuck, remember there’s rarely just one “perfect” choice. Instead of focusing on finding the perfect option, practice reframing by see them all as good choices. If the decision feels hard, that usually tells you that all of the options have something to offer, so there’s no one perfect path—just good options.
Check in with your values
This is different than choosing what feels comfortable. Look at your options and think about which one aligns with what really matters to you. If both choices fit your values, that’s great! That means that both choices could feel good. And if only one aligns with your values, that might make the decision feel clearer.
Validate yourself before asking for feedback
Asking for advice, or even validation, from others is totally fine. But we want to find a health balance between internal and external validation. So first, try to validate your own thoughts. Building confidence in your own decisions is an important part of decision-making.
Look back at past decisions
Think about times when you made what you thought was the “wrong” choice. Was it really that bad? Did you catastrophize at the time, only to find it wasn’t as terrible as you thought? And even if it was tough, was there actually any way to know (without 20-20 hindsight) that one option was better than the other? (read: is it possible that overthinking just led to more confusion, rather than more information?) Reflection can help break that cycle of anxiety and pressure.
Give yourself some perspective
Hold your hand right in front of your face, almost touching your nose. How well can you see it? You might see some details, but overall, it’s probably a bit unfocused, and you’ve lost the full picture. Now let’s translate that to decision-making: When we’re too caught up in how a decision feels right now, we lose perspective. When you’re making a decision, try stepping back and imagining how it’ll feel in 1 month, 1 year, or even 10 years (without trying to predict the future). It’ll help remove you from the nerves of the here and now and give you a clearer view. You might find that the decision really doesn’t feel like such a big deal after all, that either choice feels works just fine, or that one choice feels clear when you take the short-term discomfort out of the equation.
Practice self-compassion
If you just rolled your eyes, I get it. But also hear me out for a second! As anxious perfectionists, we tend to think that being hard on ourselves is what gets us ahead, but that’s not actually true. Being kind to yourself helps you handle mistakes and keep moving forward (and a lot quicker than ruminating on the mistakes does). Mistakes are part of being human, so treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend, and remember that you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy or successful.
Remember: not making a choice is still a choice
The longer you avoid a decision, the longer you’re choosing to stay where you are. Whether it’s staying in a relationship or putting off a tough conversation, avoiding the decision is still making a choice.
Consider therapy
If you tend to get really stuck in indecision, therapy for anxious perfectionists is a great option for helping you navigate that. It can help you understand the root causes of your perfectionism, anxiety, and indecision, while giving you tools to make decisions more confidently.
Taking Steps Towards Clarity
Overcoming indecision when you're stuck in the cycle of perfectionism and anxiety can feel challenging and take time, but it's totally possible. Be patient with yourself as you take small steps—practice making decisions, and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. Trust that you have the ability to navigate whatever comes next. There’s no “perfect” choice; there are just choices that help you grow and learn. By trusting yourself and embracing the process, you’ll build confidence in your decision-making, one step at a time.
Feeling Stuck in Indecision? Therapy for Anxious Perfectionists in New York Can Help!
If every decision feels like the wrong one, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to keep second-guessing yourself. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and therapist for perfectionism, I help anxious perfectionists understand what’s fueling their indecision, explore the fears underneath it, and start making choices with more clarity and confidence. Therapy for anxious perfectionists in New York can support you in building self-trust, navigating uncertainty, and letting go of the pressure to always get it “right.”
Learn more about me and my services
You don’t need the “perfect” answer—just a path forward that feels true to you.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connections Counseling
Perfectionism doesn’t show up in isolation—it often overlaps with anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing, especially when feedback feels more like a threat than support. As an online therapist for perfectionism in New York, I work with anxious perfectionists who feel stuck in the fear of making mistakes, being judged, or not measuring up. That’s why I offer more than just Therapy for Perfectionism—I also provide Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Burnout, and Therapy for People-Pleasing to help you explore where these patterns come from and how to shift them. If you’re constantly tying your worth to performance or external validation, therapy can be a space to untangle those beliefs and start showing up more fully—as your real, imperfect self.