High Achiever, Low Control: How Layoffs Hit Anxious Over-Functioners the Hardest
You’ve been working hard for years—well, decades, if we’re counting school (and we are). You’ve always kept up, done what’s expected (and more), delivered quality work, and showed up for others.
And then… you get laid off.
You thought you were doing well. Maybe you even felt like an essential part of the team. But that little voice that’s been there in the background? The one that says, “I have to keep proving myself if I want to succeed,” “If I’m not useful, I’m not valuable,” and “I need to give 120% and work harder than everyone else just to keep up”? Suddenly, it’s not whispering anymore. It’s screaming. And the worst part? It starts to feel like maybe that voice was right all along.
Especially for high-achieving women, layoffs can hit at the core of how we see ourselves. As a therapist for perfectionism in Garden City & throughout NY who works with anxious overthinkers, perfectionists, and recovering people-pleasers, I’ve seen how deeply this kind of loss can shake us up—emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Through perfectionism therapy, I often help clients explore how their sense of worth and safety gets tied to achievement, and what healing looks like when that structure suddenly shifts.
Why Layoffs Hit Over-Functioners (Especially Women) So Hard
Layoffs don’t just affect your schedule or your paycheck. For many anxious over-functioners—especially women—they challenge your sense of identity.
When your value has always been measured by how well you perform—how much you accomplish, how helpful you are, how much you’re doing for everyone else—a layoff doesn’t just feel like a setback. It feels personal.
It might sound like:
“Who even am I without my job?”
“What did I miss?”
“Should I have done more?”
And for women who’ve been socialized to work twice as hard, be twice as accommodating, and never be “too much,” the pressure to over-function at work is often second nature. You’ve probably been praised for it. But when it suddenly stops working—when your job disappears, despite how hard you tried—it can feel like a betrayal of all the effort you’ve put in.
When Over-Functioning Becomes a Coping Strategy
For many of us, work isn’t just about productivity—it’s about protection. It gives you structure, validation, distraction, and even identity. So, when it’s gone, you’re left with a lot more than free time. You’re left with the feelings that work was helping you avoid: Anxiety. Doubt. Fear. Grief. Shame. Loneliness.
Without that constant motion to distract you, it’s easy to feel like everything’s unraveling. Especially when you’ve spent years tying your self-worth to being needed, being productive, being good.
Even if part of you knows you’re capable and competent, it’s hard not to compare. Other people seem to have been spared. Some seem to be doing fine, even with less effort. So, you wonder: Was I not actually as good as I thought I was? Did I overestimate myself? Did I miss something obvious?
This also brings up something a lot of high-achieving women don’t talk about: the illusion of control.
If I just do everything right, I’ll stay safe.
If I work hard enough, I won’t be the one who gets let go.
If I’m always helpful and competent and reliable, no one will ever see me as expendable.
So, when something like this happens—something out of your control—it doesn’t just feel unfair. It feels destabilizing. It breaks the quiet contract you thought you’d signed with the universe: Work hard, stay safe.
This is often where perfectionism treatment can help. It’s not about erasing your drive or ambition—it’s about understanding why you feel the need to constantly prove yourself and learning new ways to find safety and identity beyond productivity.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves (and Some New Ones to Try)
I’m not here for toxic positivity. I’m not the one to throw silver linings at you or tell you this is a blessing in disguise. This is hard. You get to grieve. You need space to feel what this actually feels like—and that includes the fear, the anger, and the deep sense of disappointment.
And also—you get to choose what story you carry with you from this experience.
When you’re ready, it can help to notice the stories you’re telling yourself—and experiment with a few different ones. Not to sugarcoat anything, but to give yourself a way forward that isn’t quite so heavy. And honestly? A way that actually supports you, instead of making everything harder.
Here are some of the common stories we tell ourselves. I break down the old narrative, where it comes from, and a new way you might try framing it—for whenever you’re ready to try out these shifts.
Old Narrative: “I knew they’d see through me eventually.”
Where it comes from: Imposter syndrome. That fear that you’ve been faking it all along, and now you’ve finally been “found out.”
New Frame: “This is imposter syndrome talking. I’ve done the work—I’m not just pretending to be competent; I am competent. This layoff isn’t proof that I was fooling anyone. It’s proof that things happen that are out of my control.”Old Narrative: “I should’ve seen this coming.”
Where it comes from: You’re used to anticipating what people need and what they’re thinking and feeling. So, when you miss a cue, you blame yourself.
New Frame: “Maybe there were signs, maybe there weren’t. Either way, I was focused on doing my job. I didn’t do anything wrong by not predicting this.”Old Narrative: “This is my fault. I should’ve done more to prove my value.”
Where it comes from: A need to feel in control—like if it’s your fault, at least it makes sense. Also tied to the belief that your worth depends on how much you do.
New Frame: “I can ask for some feedback from people I trust, just to learn what I can from this. But I also know I was already doing a lot—and I have limits, like anyone else. This doesn’t mean I failed. It means I’m human.”Old Narrative: “This is just going to keep happening.”
Where it comes from: Anxiety trying to prepare you by catastrophizing about the future.
New Frame: “Yes, jobs can be unpredictable. But I’ve handled uncertainty before, and I’ll get through this too. I don’t need to predict everything in order to trust myself.”Old Narrative: “I shouldn’t be so upset—other people have it worse.”
Where it comes from: Guilt. Empathy. And a tendency to downplay your own pain because you're afraid it might sound selfish.
New Frame: “I care deeply about others, and I also matter. My pain is real, even if someone else’s is different. I can hold space for both.”
So… What Now?
This might be a moment to pause and ask yourself:
Do I want to keep living in overdrive, if it doesn’t actually keep me safe?
Do I want my next job to feel like this one did—like I’m holding everything together by a thread?
What would it look like to work in a way that honors my energy, not just my ambition?
You don’t need all the answers right now. But you’re allowed to start asking different questions.
A Note on Getting Support
I know perfectionism therapy, or therapy in general, can feel like a weird investment when you’re between jobs—especially if you’re worried about money or you’ve only got COBRA coverage for a couple months. But this is actually one of the most powerful times to get support.
Layoffs bring up more than just job stuff. They tend to bring up deeper patterns around identity, self-worth, scarcity, and control—especially for high-achieving, anxious women who’ve been holding it all together for way too long.
Therapy gives you a space to process what’s coming up without needing to be productive, perfect, or impressive. It’s a place where you can just be a person who’s going through something hard—and still deserves support.
And choosing to invest in yourself, even while you’re struggling, actually reinforces something really important: that you’re worth investing in. Even when you’re not performing. And even (read: especially) when you’re not feeling your best.
If you’re navigating a layoff and noticing these patterns come up, you don’t have to do it alone. You’re allowed to get help before everything is “fixed.” And you’re allowed to be supported, even in the mess.
Is Perfectionism Therapy in Garden City, New York the Key to Finding Balance After a Layoff?
If you’ve been holding it all together with overwork and overthinking, but secretly wonder if there’s another way—you’re not alone. From my Garden City–based practice, I work with high-achieving perfectionists who feel the weight of constant pressure, especially when life throws unexpected challenges like a layoff. In perfectionism therapy, we’ll explore how to honor your drive and ambition without losing yourself to burnout, self-doubt, or the need to always be in control. You don’t need to have it all figured out—just a willingness to take the first step toward clarity and balance.
Learn more about how I support perfectionists like you navigating uncertainty
Even when life feels unsteady, therapy can help you find your footing and create space for resilience, calm, and self-compassion.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If a layoff has brought perfectionism to the surface, you might also notice other challenges rising alongside it—like anxiety, burnout, or the struggle to set boundaries without guilt. These patterns often go hand in hand, especially for high-achieving women who feel the weight of constant expectations. That’s why I offer perfectionism therapy in Garden City, New York and therapy for women, creating a space where you can explore not just the drive to over-function, but the deeper needs beneath it. If you’ve been longing for a place where you don’t have to perform, prove, or push, therapy can be that space to reconnect with yourself and what truly matters.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who provides perfectionism therapy in Garden City, New York, as well as online therapy for women navigating anxiety and life transitions across the state. She specializes in supporting high-achieving women who feel stuck in cycles of overthinking, over-functioning, and striving for control—especially when unexpected challenges, like layoffs, disrupt their sense of stability. With a compassionate and grounded approach, Adina helps clients untangle these patterns and create space for resilience, clarity, and self-compassion. In therapy, she reminds you that even when life feels uncertain, you don’t have to navigate it alone—you can start building balance and self-trust today.