Perfectionism Therapy Myths: What High Achievers Need to Know Before Reaching Out for Support
Whether this is your first time seriously considering therapy or you’ve done it before and you’re trying to figure out whether now’s the right time to go back, you might be holding onto some therapy myths that are keeping you stuck—spinning in that cycle of considering therapy… and then talking yourself out of it. Again.
I’m a therapist in New York who works with perfectionists and high achievers—typically women in their 20s to 30s who are sensitive, insightful, and very aware of the high standards they tend to hold themselves to. I work with people who’ve never been to therapy before, people who’ve been going on and off for years, and lots in between. Across the board, I’ve noticed that certain myths about therapy come up again and again—especially for perfectionists.
And honestly? They make a lot of sense. Perfectionists hold themselves to high standards. So, reaching out for support—or even just considering not doing it all alone—can feel uncomfortable, even threatening to the identity you've built.
So, let’s break down some of the most common perfectionism therapy myths, and talk about what’s actually true—so you can feel more grounded and confident if and when you're ready to reach out.
Myth 1: I should be able to figure this out on my own.
(…because I already know what’s wrong and what to do—I’m just not doing it.)
This is so common among high achievers—especially if you’re someone who’s always prided yourself on your insight and self-awareness. You know your patterns. You can usually identify when something’s off. You’ve maybe even read the self-help books, followed the helpful IG accounts, or listened to the podcasts. So why would you need someone else to help you process what you already know?
So, it can feel like this is one more thing you should be able to handle on your own—another task on your long to-do list.
The reality: Even if you can figure it out alone, that doesn’t mean you have to.
Therapy isn’t about someone else fixing your problems for you—it’s about having a space that’s just for you, where you can slow down, reflect, and actually do the deeper work instead of intellectually circling it.
And even if you technically could do that on your own, are you actually doing it? Are you taking time out of your week to really reflect on your habits, relationships, burnout cycles, emotional patterns, and internalized beliefs? Because honestly, how many of us have time, energy, or motivation for that between work, life, endless emails, and a seemingly endless mental to-do list?
Therapy helps you do the work with someone else in the room—someone who’s trained to notice what you might not be noticing, reflect it back in helpful ways, ask thoughtful questions, and gently challenge you when needed. Plus, showing up for a session each week helps you stay accountable to your own growth, even when life gets busy.
And here’s the thing: Therapy doesn’t take away your agency, and it doesn’t mean you’re outsourcing all the work. You’ll still be using your abilities, insights, and knowledge about yourself, just with the support of a therapist who can guide you through it and help you use them in ways that support your needs and goals.
Myth 2: The therapist will judge me or won’t think I’m capable
This one might show up in subtle ways. Sometimes it sounds like:
“I don’t want to seem like I’m overreacting.”
“What if they think I’m too sensitive?”
“I’m used to holding it together. What if I fall apart and regret it?”
When your identity is built around being the competent one, the responsible one, the one who’s always holding it down for everyone else, it can feel incredibly vulnerable to drop the mask—even just a little.
And if you’ve been judged in the past for being "too emotional" or "too much" or "not enough," this fear makes total sense.
The reality: Therapy is one of the few spaces where you’re not expected to hold it all together.
(In fact, as a therapist, I truly appreciate when my clients can let the mask down and not hold it all together in our sessions)
A good therapist won’t judge you. They’ll want to understand what makes you you—not just the shiny, put-together version, but the real, honest version. They’ll see (and help you see) that your struggles don’t negate your strengths, and they’ll help you learn to notice the strengths you have that aren’t just about powering through and handling it all.
You’re not weak for needing support—you’re human. And being able to show up vulnerably is actually a huge strength.
For many of my clients, the experience of being able to let go—even for 45 minutes a week—feels healing. It gives them space to stop performing and just be. And in that space, we can explore the why behind those patterns of over-functioning and hyper-independence.
This isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being fully seen and fully human.
Myth 3: I don’t need therapy unless I’m falling apart
(So, if I go now, I’ll just be wasting the therapist’s time)
Let’s be honest: a lot of us learned that therapy is only for people who are in a full-on crisis. Like, can’t-get-out-of-bed, panic-attacks-every-day, life-is-on-fire kind of crisis. So, if you’re still functioning—getting your work done, making plans, taking care of others—it can feel like you’re not struggling enough to justify going to therapy.
Here are some of the common things I hear as part of this myth, and what they tend to reflect:
“Other people have it worse.”
It can be scary to admit—to others, but often to ourselves too—that we’re struggling. So, we often minimize our own pain.
“I’ve been through harder things than this.”
You might be used to downplaying how tough things really feel. You might think that just because you've survived bigger challenges, you should be able to handle this one on your own.
“It’s not that bad. I can handle it—I’ve been managing just fine.”
You can technically handle it, and you’re used to handling a lot on your own. You might have gotten used to taking on a lot and just pushing through.
“I don’t want to take up space that could go to someone else.”
You’re worried about being “too much” or overburdening the therapist, like you worry about that with others in your life. The idea that asking for help is somehow a burden can keep you from reaching out.
The reality: Therapy can really help when you’re both functioning and struggling.
Therapy is just as much for the person who’s “doing okay but exhausted all the time” as it is for someone in crisis. In fact, therapy often works best when you start before things hit a breaking point. That’s when there’s the most room to create a solid foundation and do the deeper, long-term work—because you’re not just trying to put out fires, you’re working on what’s starting them in the first place.
Therapy can help you unpack why you’re constantly downplaying your needs or minimizing your pain. It can help you explore what it means to take up space, to feel worthy of support, to ask for help before you’re drowning.
You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve care and support.
Related reads: Why “I’m Fine” Feels Safer Than Being Honest and Why “Fine” Might Be the Perfect Time to Start Therapy for Anxiety and Perfectionism
Myth 4: If I go to therapy, the therapist will try to make me lower my standards
This one often comes from people who’ve been told (by others or even by past therapists) to just “do less,” or “relax,” or “stop being so hard on yourself” (as if it’s that easy). And while that might sound good in theory, it usually feels incredibly invalidating.
You’re not trying to reach those high standards just for fun—it’s usually coming from a deeper place. Telling someone to just “let go” without addressing what’s underneath all the high standards and high pressure doesn’t help. It just creates guilt on top of stress.
The reality: Therapy doesn’t require you to lower your standards—it helps you align them with your values.
Therapy for perfectionism isn’t about encouraging you to settle. It’s about helping you figure out what really matters to you, and making sure your time and energy are going towards that—not towards keeping up appearances, avoiding criticism, or chasing a constantly moving finish line.
We look at where your perfectionism is serving you, and where it’s hurting you. We get curious about the cost of your current standards—on your health, your relationships, your sense of self—and explore what kind of standards actually support the life you want to be living.
You don’t have to abandon ambition. You just don’t have to burn yourself out for it, either.
Myth 5: If I “fix” my perfectionism, everything will fall apart
(Because perfectionism is the only thing holding my life together.)
This is a really honest fear. Because perfectionism isn’t just a set of habits—it’s often a survival strategy. It’s how you learned to feel safe, accepted, or in control.
So, when we start talking about loosening that grip, it can feel terrifying. What happens when you’re not constantly pushing yourself? What if everything falls apart?
The reality: Perfectionism gives the illusion of control, but real stability comes from flexibility, not rigidity.
Yes, perfectionism helped you survive. But it may be keeping you from thriving. It tends to come at a cost: burnout, resentment, loneliness, anxiety, exhaustion, disconnection from your own needs.
In therapy, we don’t just suddenly remove those perfectionistic patterns—we get curious about them. We explore why they showed up, what they protect you from, what purpose they’re serving (or used to serve), and what they might be keeping you from. We don’t just get rid of coping mechanisms—we replace them with better ones. Ones that are rooted in your values, your actual priorities, and your real needs (not the ones perfectionism has decided are acceptable).
You can learn how to stay motivated without being self-critical. You can work hard without pushing yourself to the edge. You can hold yourself to high standards without tying your entire sense of self-worth to outcomes.
And yes, at first, it might feel like things are falling apart—because you’re not holding everything together in the same way anymore. But over time, therapy helps you build a new kind of stability: one that’s not rooted in fear, but in trust in yourself.
Myth 6: I don’t have time for therapy
(Or: There are so many other things I should be doing instead.)
When you’re a high achiever or someone who chronically over-functions, your time always feels limited. Even rest can feel like a task you’re supposed to be doing “right.” So, adding therapy to your already-full plate can feel impossible—or at the very least, indulgent.
This myth often comes with a side of guilt or shame. “How can I justify taking 45 minutes a week just for me when there’s so much else to do?” Or “I should be using that time to finally answer those emails / work out / check in on people / finish that project / [insert any of the other 73 tasks on your list].”
The reality: Taking time for therapy is one of the most productive things you can do.
Yes, it’s a time commitment. But it’s also a time investment—in yourself, your growth, your well-being, your relationships, and your future.
Therapy helps you stop wasting time on the mental loops, the indecision, the burnout-recovery-burnout cycle, and the overthinking that’s taking up so much of your bandwidth already. It gives you the clarity and tools to make decisions more easily, set boundaries more confidently, and create a life that feels more aligned—so you’re not constantly reacting, people-pleasing, or putting out fires.
And let’s be real: there’s probably never going to be a “perfect” time. The calendar will never magically clear. You will always be busy.
So, the question becomes: what if this is the right time because things feel hard or overwhelming or unsustainable? What if therapy could help you make space in your life—not just take space from it?
Myth 7: I need to find the perfect therapist to make it worth it
If you’re someone who likes to research every option before making a choice (calling myself out here too, by the way!), this one’s for you. You may have already spent hours on therapist directories or bookmarked websites, but never actually reached out to anyone. Or maybe you’ve scheduled consult calls but second-guessed whether the therapist was “the one,” so you paused the search and told yourself you’d try again later.
The idea of spending time, energy, and money on something that might not be exactly right can be enough to keep you stuck in limbo.
The reality: You don’t have to find the “perfect” therapist—or know if you found them. You just need to start somewhere.
It’s okay to start with someone who feels good and see how it goes. You don’t have to commit forever.
Start with a consult call. If that feels okay, try one session. If that feels tolerable, try a few more. It’s totally fair to change therapists if it’s not a good fit—and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or wasted your time (or theirs).
Yes, therapeutic fit is really important. But sometimes, the fear of picking the “wrong” person becomes yet another way perfectionism keeps you from starting at all.
Instead, look for someone who works with your concerns (like anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, or people-pleasing), and whose style and language resonate with you. Pay attention to how you feel when you read their site or talk to them. We’re not looking for perfection—we’re looking for someone you feel safe enough to start with.
Related reads: A Therapy Consultation Call Guide, How to Choose a Therapist as a Perfectionist, and How to Overcome Anxious Perfectionism and Indecision
These Myths Just Might Be Perfectionism Holding You Back
If you noticed yourself relating to more than one of these beliefs, that’s not a coincidence. These are a lot of the same that perfectionism often shows up as in the rest of your life:
“I should be able to handle this myself.”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
“It’s not bad enough to ask for help.”
“I can’t trust someone else to do it right.”
“I don’t have time to slow down.”
“What if I get it wrong?”
These beliefs don’t just keep you out of therapy. They keep you stuck in the same exhausting cycles that therapy can help you step out of.
And just to be clear: these patterns aren’t your fault. They developed for a reason. They probably protected you or helped you succeed in a world that rewards overworking and under-feeling.
But at some point, they stop working. And when that happens, therapy can help you make sense of it all—and gently begin to shift it.
So, if you’re ready to try something different and let yourself challenge these myths—these self-protective beliefs—I’m here to support you in starting to let go (just a bit!) and working towards what you really want from your life.
Ready to Challenge the Myths That Might Be Holding You Back from Therapy?
If perfectionism has kept you stuck in the cycle of overthinking, over-researching, and talking yourself out of reaching out for support—you’re not alone. These beliefs show up for so many of the high-achieving women I work with, and they make perfect sense. But they don’t have to keep running the show. As a therapist for perfectionists in New York, I help clients untangle the “shoulds,” soften self-doubt, and approach therapy not as a last resort, but as a grounded step toward change, clarity, and real support.
Learn more about my approach and who I work with
Let therapy be the place where you stop letting perfectionism run your life.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If perfectionism feels like just the surface, and there’s more underneath—like anxiety, exhaustion, or guilt—you’re not alone. So many high achievers also struggle with anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing—patterns that make it hard to slow down, set boundaries, or ask for support without guilt. That’s why I offer perfectionism therapy in Garden City, New York, along with therapy for women navigating the overlapping challenges of emotional overwhelm, high expectations, and constant self-pressure. If you’ve been wondering what it might feel like to have space that’s not about performing or pushing—but about being real, honest, and supported—therapy can offer that space.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who offers online therapy for perfectionism and anxiety throughout New York. She works with women who find themselves overthinking, people-pleasing, or over-functioning, all while feeling quietly weighed down under the surface. With warmth and clinical grounding, Adina helps clients untangle these patterns and gently challenge the perfectionism that can keep them stuck. In perfectionism therapy, she encourages you to challenge the beliefs that hold you back and to begin building self-compassion and balance—no perfect timing needed.