September Just Started and You’re Already Planning for the Holidays: A Check-In for Perfectionists and People-Pleasers
Summer’s not even over yet, but here you are, already Googling “best holiday gifts for husbands” and stressing about how you’re going to fit in all the plans—just so you don’t have to say no and (gasp) disappoint anyone.
It’s not that the holidays are bad. Part of you also kind of looks forward to them. They’re just... a lot. All the events. All the personalities. All the hosting (or sometimes worse—being hosted). It makes sense that your brain is jumping ahead. It might feel as if you don’t start planning now, you’ll fall behind. Which then kind of makes you want to procrastinate. Or maybe fantasize about a perfectly timed vacation where you just skip the whole overbooked holiday thing this year.
As a therapist who works with perfectionists and people-pleasers, I know firsthand that now is when many of my clients start talking about the “upcoming” holidays. And it’s also the time of year when perfectionism therapy can be especially helpful—because the pressure to do it all often ramps up before the season even begins.
If you tend to live in the future, worry about making everyone happy (except maybe yourself?), and try to do it all—you’re not alone. But the truth is, this early holiday stress probably isn’t helping as much as you think it is. For many anxious perfectionists, learning skills in perfectionism treatment can ease that pressure and help you step out of the cycle.
The good news? You do have time. Time to pause, reflect, and think about what you need before the season actually comes.
Why are you planning so early, really?
Is it just about being organized?
Or—if you’re being honest—is this more about trying to feel safe?m
When uncertainty is uncomfortable, it’s easy to default to overplanning. (Or avoidance. Or both.) It gives you a sense of control: “If I just plan everything perfectly, then I won’t have to deal with the chaos, right?” But even though we know we can’t predict every outcome, we still try. And by doing that, we reinforce the idea that we need to control everything in order to be okay. Which just keeps the anxiety cycle going.
This is the exact cycle I see often in perfectionism therapy—planning and overthinking as a way to quiet anxiety, even though it usually leaves you more stressed. Working with a therapist for perfectionism can help you notice these patterns sooner and start practicing what it feels like to slow down before your brain jumps too far ahead.
You might be jumping ahead because:
It’s always been your role (in your family or friend group) to organize and manage everything
You don’t fully trust yourself to handle the unexpected
You’re trying to make everything perfect so nothing can go wrong
You’re just not used to staying grounded in the present moment
This is a common pattern for anxious perfectionists—if you’re used to managing everything and holding it all together, slowing down can feel unsafe, even when it’s what you actually need.
So, if you catch yourself planning months in advance, try asking:
What am I avoiding right now?
What do I actually need in this moment?
If I wasn’t acting from anxiety or fear or guilt, when would I naturally start planning?
Can you come back to the present?
Check in with yourself: What’s happening right now? What would help you feel more grounded today?
If you realize that you don’t actually need to be thinking about this yet—great. You’ve got time!
And if you do want to start thinking ahead (in a slow, intentional, non-panic-y way), here are a few questions to gently reflect on as we inch toward the holiday season:
1. What was last year like?
Take a moment to reflect:
What did you do last year that you swore you’d never do again (or knew you’d dread if you had to)?
What did you try that actually felt great and made you think, “I want to do this every year”?
What felt truly worth it? And what felt like way more stress than it was worth?
Was there any avoidance? Or maybe a little over-preparing? How would you feel if you repeated this year the exact same way?
What did you need last year that you didn’t get—and how might you build that in this time around?
(Yes, this can include early prep—if it means doing things at a calmer pace instead of spiraling into overdrive fueled by perfectionism or pressure.)
Sometimes these reflections bring up old patterns of over-functioning and self-pressure. This is where perfectionism therapy can be so helpful—giving you tools to break cycles before they repeat, so you can enter the holidays with more balance.
2. What do you actually want this year?
What would your ideal holiday season look like? Slow and cozy? Fun and social? Full of connection?
Sometimes we pack our schedules because we want connection—but end up too overwhelmed and exhausted to be present for any of it. So, ask yourself:
What do you really value during the holidays?
What do you usually give most of your time and energy to?
Are those aligned?
What specific plans or choices would support your actual goals and values this year?
When you’re used to people-pleasing, it can be hard to name and prioritize what you want. So, this is your reminder that your needs matter too.
3. Where can you compromise—or let go a little?
Maybe your partner’s family plans more events than you’d like. Or your friends want to go out when you’re craving rest. Compromise is part of life—but that doesn’t mean giving up everything you need.
Ask yourself:
Where are you open to compromise?
Where are you constantly giving in, even when it really doesn’t feel okay?
Where do you tend to take on too much or try to do it all?
And sometimes, it’s not just about saying yes or no—it’s about asking yourself whether you really need to be the one handling it all. Where have you taken on more than your share of the emotional labor, logistics, or planning?
This is especially common for perfectionists who feel responsible for everyone else’s experience. Letting go of that pressure can be hard—and freeing.
Even letting go of one thing can make a difference. Letting go of control doesn’t mean things fall apart—it means you have more room to breathe. Through perfectionism treatment, many people learn how to share responsibilities, set limits, and create space for rest without fear of disappointing others.
4. Who (or what) is hardest to say “no” to?
You probably already know the spots that trip you up—like the parent who lays on the guilt, or the friend you don’t want to disappoint.
Start there. Identify what you struggle with, and what support you might need, like:
Time to think before answering invitations
A few go-to phrases to say “no” with kindness (and clarity)
Someone to talk things out with before you respond (especially someone who’s going to support you caring for yourself)
Self-compassion when saying no feels really hard
Boundaries can be uncomfortable—especially when people-pleasing has been your default. But saying no with intention is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
What boundaries do you want to hold this year? And what would help you actually do that?
5. When do you actually need to start planning?
I’m guessing the answer probably isn’t “two months ago” (unless we’re talking flight deals), or even “right now!”
Sure, it might help to prep early—but only if it’s coming from a calm, grounded place. If it’s driven by pressure, urgency, or anxiety, it’s just going to reinforce the perfectionism loop.
So, check in with yourself:
What’s a realistic and reasonable time to start?
Now, set a calendar reminder for it. You don’t have to carry it all in your brain until then.
Permission to Slow Down
If your nervous system is in holiday mode before fall’s even started, you’re not alone. But you’re allowed to slow down. You’re allowed to wait. You’re allowed to enjoy where you are—without jumping three months ahead. This season, consider giving yourself the gift of presence. Not just being present—but feeling it. Let yourself be grounded. Let things be a little messier. Let yourself say no when you need to. And know that it doesn’t all have to be perfect to be good. This is also where perfectionism treatment can be grounding. Therapy offers a space to pause, notice your own needs, and practice choosing rest instead of rushing. You don’t have to earn stillness—you’re allowed to claim it.
Is Perfectionism Therapy in Garden City, New York the Reset You Need Before the Holidays?
If September has you already stressed about holiday plans, gift lists, or how to say “no” without guilt—you’re not alone. From my Garden City–based practice, I work with anxious perfectionists and people-pleasers who start feeling the weight of the season long before it even begins. In perfectionism therapy, we focus on helping you step out of overthinking and people-pleasing loops so you can enjoy this season with more balance, rest, and clarity. You don’t have to have it all figured out to start—you just need a little space to show up as yourself.
Learn more about how I support people-pleasing, perfectionists like you
This year, instead of letting stress take over before the holidays even arrive, give yourself permission to slow down. Therapy can help you make the season lighter.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If holiday stress has shown you that perfectionism isn’t the only thing at play, you’re not alone. Anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing often show up right alongside it—making it even harder to slow down, say no, or actually enjoy your time with others. That’s why I offer perfectionism therapy in Garden City, New York, along with support for the patterns that make you feel like you have to hold everything together. If you’ve been wondering what it might be like to have space that’s not about meeting expectations, but about your needs, therapy can be the place to begin.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who offers online therapy for perfectionism and anxiety throughout New York. She works with women who notice themselves over-planning, people-pleasing, or carrying the weight of making every season “perfect”—all while feeling quietly exhausted underneath. With warmth and clinical insight, Adina helps clients untangle these patterns, especially when the pressure to anticipate everyone else’s needs starts to overshadow their own. In perfectionism therapy, she reminds you that you don’t need to wait for a crisis—or for the holidays to overwhelm you—to deserve support, balance, and a sense of calm.