Summer’s Supposed to Be Fun… So Why Does It Feel So Stressful for Perfectionists?
In theory, summer’s great. There’s more sunlight, warmer weather, and more opportunities to be outside and connect with people. You want to enjoy it… and you kind of do? But you also kind of… don’t. At least not entirely.
You’re excited about the plans, the fun activities, and the warm evenings. But it also feels like a lot. A lot of pressure. A lot of energy. A lot of expectations (from others and yourself). And maybe—just maybe—what you really want is to rest.
If you’ve got perfectionistic tendencies—or if you fully identify as a perfectionist—the pressure to “make the most” of summer can totally steal the joy from it. Suddenly, something that’s supposed to be enjoyable turns into another thing to optimize. And if you’re not constantly happy, relaxed, energized, and making the most of every opportunity? Cue the guilt spiral.
That might look like overbooking yourself (but not fully enjoying any of it), or procrastinating and realizing it’s August and you haven’t done half the things you wanted to… because it all just felt like too much.
As a therapist who works with perfectionists, this comes up a lot in sessions this time of year—especially for clients navigating this dynamic in perfectionism therapy. So, let’s talk about why “fun” can feel so overwhelming—and what to do about it.
Why Do I Feel Overwhelmed When Things Are Supposed to Be Fun?
Perfectionism has a way of turning everything—including rest, happiness, and enjoyment—into tasks to be measured, evaluated, and optimized. And that mindset doesn't leave much space for actually enjoying anything.
Instead of being present, your brain might start scanning:
Am I having enough fun?
Is this the right kind of fun?
What should I be doing instead?
What will people think if I cancel?
This mental load gets heavy fast, especially when paired with the subtle but powerful idea that summer is supposed to be your reward. We grow up thinking of summer as freedom—a break from school, from structure. And even though that’s usually not how adulthood works, the effect might still be there.
So now summer carries this pressure to feel a certain way: relaxed, fulfilled, social, outdoorsy, joyful, tan (but not sunburned), rested, and productive. Basically, perfect. And when it doesn’t live up to that image? That’s where self-judgment comes in.
Let’s break down some of the ways perfectionism makes summer feel… harder than it needs to:
Pressure to Make the Most of It
Because summer’s short, it feels like you need to maximize it. And if you’re an anxious perfectionist, “maximizing” might mean trying to do it all—and then feeling like it still wasn’t enough. But when you’re squeezing every drop out of every day, it’s easy to miss the actual experience of being in it.
Anxiety About What’s Next
Anxiety pulls your brain into the future, which makes it hard to enjoy the present. When you’re aware that the days are getting shorter or that those seasonal mood shifts might hit again in the fall, you may feel this underlying urgency to “stock up” on happiness now. That pressure can turn joy into something that feels… weirdly stressful.
Self-Comparison
You scroll through social media and see everyone else traveling, posting rooftop photos, or looking totally confident in a bathing suit. Meanwhile, you’re at home, overstimulated, tired, and wondering why you don’t feel the way you “should.”
Comparison also sneaks in with the activities themselves—do you actually like the beach, or do you just feel like you’re supposed to? Do you even enjoy outdoor concerts, or do you force yourself to go because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do?
When your inner perfectionist is running the show, it becomes really hard to tell what you want versus what you think you’re supposed to want.
Taking On Too Much (Because You’re the Responsible One)
If you're the planner in your friend group, your family, your relationship—you probably carry the weight of making sure everyone else has a good time. Which also means you carry the responsibility when things feel off. Summer adds more opportunities for this: more group events, more travel planning, more “let’s-do-something” weekends. And your perfectionism and anxiety might tell you that if everyone else isn’t having a great time, it’s somehow your fault.
Too Many Options
Perfectionists are often great at seeing all the possibilities. But when summer offers a million ways to have fun, you might feel stuck choosing the “right” one. Add in some fear of regret or FOMO, and suddenly even planning a weekend becomes overwhelming.
Too many choices can lead to analysis paralysis—especially if you’ve been conditioned to second-guess yourself or worry about making the “wrong” choice.
You’re Just… Doing Too Much
This one might sound obvious, but it’s worth saying: You might not be enjoying summer because you’re exhausted. Running from one social event to another, staying up later than you’d like, not having enough time to recharge—none of that gives you space to process what you’re feeling. And perfectionism might push you to keep going, telling you that resting is lazy or that saying no means you’re letting people down.
Spoiler: it doesn’t.
The Pressure to Be Happy All the Time—And What It Really Costs You
When you’re constantly trying to feel good, you stop being present. You start scanning for evidence:
Am I enjoying this enough?
Do I look happy?
Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?
Instead of actually experiencing joy, you’re measuring it.
Perfectionism tricks us into thinking that we can (and should) be in control of our emotions at all times. But chasing a specific feeling—especially a complex one like happiness—usually just makes it harder to get there.
And it often skips the most important questions:
What do I actually need right now?
What would make me feel more okay—even if I’m not having the perfect day?
How To Stop Putting Pressure on Yourself to Enjoy Everything (Even in Summer)
You don’t have to give up on summer. You can make space for a summer that’s more grounded in what feels good to you—instead of what you think it’s supposed to look like.
(And if you’re already feeling overextended, take a look at the blog post I wrote on how to avoid summer burnout).
Some Questions to Check in With
What do I actually want this summer?
If I didn’t know what anyone else was doing or expecting, what would I choose?
What makes me feel genuinely good? What doesn’t?
What are my limits, and how do I know when I’m getting close to them?
Do I even like the beach [or insert that summer thing you’ve been convincing yourself you like] ?
What helps me feel okay, even when things aren’t perfect?
Gentle Reminders to Keep in Your Back Pocket
I’m not “bad” (or broken) if I don’t fully enjoy summer
I can’t do it all—and I don’t have to
Summer doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful
It’s okay if I “waste” a bit of it. Summer’s long enough for that
Practical Tips to Try
Set realistic expectations: If your perfectionism is telling you to do everything, pause. Ask yourself: “Would this actually be fun? Or am I trying to meet an unrealistic ideal?” It’s okay to separate the dream summer from the one your actual energy and time can handle (even if you technically could fit in more)
Make space for you: Schedule time for you. You can even schedule time for nothing. Seriously. Put “do nothing” on your calendar. Call it rest, low-key hobbies, introvert time—whatever fits. But treat it like a real commitment
Take a social media break: If your feed is making you feel worse, take a pause. You’re allowed to step away to reset
Notice what’s going well: No toxic positivity required. Just balancing the negativity bias by intentionally noticing when things do feel good, peaceful, or even just “fine.”
Know your limits: How much socializing can you handle before your socially battery is totally empty? (Hint: try making your stopping point just a little before that). What does your body need to recover? If you’re invited to your 20th BBQ and it’s only July, you’re allowed to slow down and say no. The more clearly you can name your limits, the more you can honor them
Set a “reasonable minimum”: What’s the minimum you’d need to feel like summer was enjoyable or meaningful enough? Not the ideal summer. Just the real, imperfect version that still feels satisfying.
What If Summer Didn’t Have to Be Perfect?
What if summer could just be enough?
Enough rest. Enough fun. Enough connection. Enough time to breathe.
You don’t have to earn your way into joy. You don’t need to check every box. You’re allowed to do summer differently—especially if the usual version hasn’t been working for you.
Because “making the most of it” doesn’t mean doing the most.
And a good summer isn’t perfect—it’s just one where you felt like yourself.
Feeling the Pressure to Make Summer Perfect? Perfectionism Therapy in New York Can Help
If summer’s starting to feel like one more thing to manage—or you keep wondering why something that’s supposed to be enjoyable feels so heavy—you’re not alone. As a therapist who works with anxious perfectionists, I help clients untangle internal pressure, slow down enough to hear what they actually want, and give themselves permission to do things differently. In perfectionism therapy, we’ll explore what rest and joy look like for you—without the guilt, overwhelm, or constant sense that you’re doing it wrong.
Learn more about me and my services
You’re allowed to want less. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to enjoy life without optimizing every second of it.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If summer feels like just another thing to get right, you’re probably juggling more than perfectionism alone. Patterns like people-pleasing, burnout, and anxiety often go hand-in-hand—making it harder to rest, set boundaries, or feel like you’re allowed to slow down. In addition to perfectionism therapy, I also offer support for anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing, because these experiences are deeply connected. Whether you’re exhausted from overcommitting, stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, or unsure what you even want anymore, therapy can help untangle the pressure and make space for something more sustainable. You don’t have to keep doing the most to prove your worth—and you don’t have to figure it out alone.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who provides online therapy for anxious perfectionists throughout New York. She specializes in helping women who look like they’re doing fine on the outside—but underneath feel pressure to always be “on,” even when life is supposed to be fun. Adina works with clients to gently challenge the internal rules that keep them stuck in overthinking, guilt, and exhaustion. Through perfectionism therapy, she helps clients slow down, tune into what they actually need, and find ways to feel more like themselves—without having to do the most.