What Keeps Perfectionists from Starting Therapy (and Why That Makes So Much Sense)
You’ve been thinking about going to perfectionism therapy for a while, but you just… haven’t gotten around to it. You’ve got a lot going on, it takes effort to find the right therapist for perfectionism, and you’re technically doing “just fine.”
But if you’re being honest with yourself, you know most of those reasons—while totally valid—might only be part of the story.
Because if it were just about logistics, you’d probably have worked around them by now. What’s harder to name (and easier to avoid) is that starting therapy can feel scary. Even if you’ve done it before.
It means slowing down enough to sit with your emotions. Confronting things that are uncomfortable. Admitting something’s not quite working. Asking for support. Letting go of some control.
And yes, dealing with that very perfectionism that keeps trying to keep everything “together.”
If you’re anything like many of my clients, you might already know that therapy could help—even if things don’t feel “bad enough” to “justify it.” You might even feel like you have to reach some breaking point before you're allowed to look for help.
But the Truth Is, You Don’t Have to Wait For a Crisis to Take Care of Yourself.
As a therapist who works with perfectionists, I see this all. the. time. Many of my clients come to me after putting off therapy for way longer than they meant to. And you know what? I always get it. And I’ll let you in on a secret: I did the same thing. I waited way too long too—because technically I was “fine,” and I had insight, and I was functioning. But once I finally got started? Game changer. I love being in therapy, and I haven’t looked back. Most of my clients say the same.
You deserve support. You deserve a therapist who gets you, and a space where you can actually process what’s going on in your life—whatever that looks like.
So let’s talk about it. Here are some of the most common reasons perfectionists hesitate to start therapy—and why every one of them makes so much sense.
1. You tell yourself you don’t “need” help
Because you’ve made it this far. Because you’re self-aware. Because you know what the problem is. That voice in your head says, “I should be able to handle this on my own.”
And sure, maybe you don’t technically need therapy—you’re getting through your days, you might even be doing pretty well by most standards. But that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t benefit from having real support.
Even the most insightful, self-aware people get stuck sometimes. Perfectionism therapy helps you see what you might be avoiding, downplaying, or rationalizing.
A therapist won’t know you better than you know yourself. But they can help you understand yourself in ways that are hard to do on your own. They offer a space to process things out loud—without judgment, without expectations—and help you connect the dots in new ways.
Especially if you tend to be self-critical or have high expectations of yourself, therapy can be a place to get the kind of support you often don’t let yourself receive. And when needed, a good therapist for perfectionism can gently challenge you too—not in a harsh way, but in a way that helps you grow.
If you already know what might help but you’re not actually doing it, therapy can also help you figure out what’s getting in the way—and work through it, instead of just pushing yourself harder.
You don’t have to earn support. You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve care. You’re allowed to want more than “just fine.”
2. You downplay how heavy things feel
You’re used to pushing through, minimizing your own needs, and telling yourself it’s “not that bad.” Maybe you’re waiting until that project wraps up or that big life event passes, hoping that’ll make these feelings pass. And sure, those things might help temporarily—but deep down, you know the cycle will repeat.
And keep in mind, things don’t have to be terrible to start therapy for perfectionism. In fact, therapy is especially helpful when things are just starting to feel off. You don’t have to wait until you’re in a crisis. Think of it as proactive care—not a last resort. You’re doing future you a huge favor by starting therapy now.
3. It feels like a sign of weakness
If going to therapy feels like admitting you “can’t handle it,” it makes sense that you'd hesitate.
Maybe you grew up needing to be the strong one, the responsible one, the caretaker. Maybe a lot was expected of you, and there wasn’t much room for your own needs. Somewhere along the way, it started to feel like having needs—or asking for help—was a weakness.
Even now, you might be totally supportive of therapy for others. You might even recommend it to your friends. But when it comes to you? You hold yourself to a different standard. A higher one. And that voice kicks in: You should be able to manage this on your own.
Vulnerability might even feel like a risk—like showing the parts of you that struggle could make you lose the love or respect of others.
But the truth is, vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s what makes real connection possible. And perfectionism therapy gives you space to practice that, safely and at your own pace.
If you want to read more about vulnerability, why it’s so tough (but so important), and how to work on it, read my blog post, Embracing Vulnerability.
4. You’re worried about what people will think
Even with all the progress we’ve made around destigmatizing therapy, it’s still common to worry: What will people think if they know I’m going to therapy?
Maybe your family or culture doesn’t really talk about mental health—or sees therapy as something for people who are really struggling. Or maybe, even if you know your friends or partner would be supportive, it still feels hard to be seen as someone who “needs help.”
Especially if you’re usually the one others rely on, it might feel uncomfortable to be the one reaching out.
Just know: You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to. Therapy is private and confidential. If it feels right, being open with a few trusted people can actually feel freeing, but it’s also totally okay to keep it to yourself.
5. You’re stuck trying to find the “perfect” therapist
Wanting the right fit makes total sense. Therapy is personal, and it matters who you’re sitting across from. But perfectionism has a sneaky way of turning that into pressure—to find the perfect therapist on the first try.
So, you procrastinate, knowing it’ll take energy to research. Or you dive into the search… then dive deeper… and before long, you’re overwhelmed, second-guessing everything, and totally stuck. That kind of analysis paralysis is super common—and I talk more about it in another blog, here.
Here’s the thing: You don’t have to find the right therapist on the first try. Start with one or two who seem like they might be a good fit and schedule a consultation (they’re usually free!). If one feels like it could work, give it a session or two with that therapist to see how it feels. And if it doesn’t feel right after a few sessions—or even after several—it’s okay to change your mind. Really. That’s not failure, it’s just part of the process.
Your first therapist doesn’t have to be your last. A good therapist will understand if it’s not the right fit and may even offer referrals to someone else. At the very least, you’ll have taken that first step—and that alone can be a big deal.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s momentum. Just getting started is a win!
6. You’re worried about doing therapy “right”
If you’re used to being the “good student” or the “high performer,” therapy might feel like yet another thing you’re supposed to do well. You want to show up prepared, say the “right” things, not disappoint your therapist. And if you’ve got some people-pleasing tendencies, it might even feel like therapy is another place you need to perform (even though it’s actually the exact opposite).
So instead of feeling like a pressure release, it just feels like… more pressure.
This is so common for perfectionists—and for therapists in therapy too, by the way. (Yup, been there!) It can also show up as thinking you need to be “ready” before starting therapy or waiting for the “perfect” time. But spoiler: you don’t need to be fully ready. Just open enough to give it a try.
Perfectionism therapy isn’t about performing. It’s a space where you get to practice not doing things perfectly. You get to be messy, uncertain, emotional, and real—and still fully accepted.
7. You’re nervous about really feeling your emotions
Perfectionism tries to keep you safe. When uncomfortable emotions come up, your brain kicks into overdrive—planning, controlling, doing. You might intellectualize your emotions instead of totally feeling them.
So, the idea of sitting down and actually feeling your feelings? So scary.
And coming to therapy means really confronting them. Like, actually feeling them—not just “feeling” them.
The tough part is that avoiding your emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just pushes them under the surface—where they build up and sneak out in other ways. Therapy helps you approach your emotions with support, care, and a lot more control than you might think.
If you want to dive in a little deeper, i talk more about it in another blog post, The Power of Feeling Your Feelings.
8. You don’t know what to expect
If you’ve never been to therapy—or even if you have, but it’s been a while, or you’re trying out a totally new type of therapy—you might feel unsure about what the process looks like. What happens in the first session? What do you say? What if it’s awkward?
Not knowing what to expect can feel extra tough for people who like to be prepared (like most perfectionists, and lots of people with anxiety).
Some therapists outline what their sessions look like on their website or FAQs, and if not, you can always ask during the intake call. It’s totally okay to ask things like: “What does a typical first session look like?” or “What happens in the first few sessions?”
Knowing a bit more of what to expect makes starting feel a little more manageable. (And I’ll have a full blog post on this soon, too!) Knowing a little more about what to expect can make the whole thing feel less intimidating. And while it might still feel like a bit of a leap, it’s one you can take—even without having it all figured out.
Taking the First Step (Even If It Feels Imperfect)
If you see yourself in any of this, know that you’re not alone—and these are totally normal. There’s a reason perfectionism is keeping you stuck. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay there.
Whether you’ve been thinking about therapy for years, or you’re just starting to wonder if it might help—it’s okay to take the first imperfect step.
You deserve a space where you can show up exactly as you are. A space to unpack, explore, grow, and be supported—without having to earn it or prove anything.
If you’re ready to take that step, I’d love to support you. And if I’m not the right fit, I know lots of wonderful therapists and would be happy to help point you in the right direction. I’ll also be sharing a blog soon with ideas on how to find a therapist for perfectionism and where to begin—no pressure, just options.
Wondering If Perfectionism Therapy in New York Is Really for You?
If you’ve been thinking about therapy but keep waiting for the “right time,” you’re not alone. So many of my clients felt the same way—nervous to start, unsure what to expect, and wondering if things were really “bad enough” to justify reaching out. In perfectionism therapy , we take the pressure off and start exactly where you are. It’s not about having everything figured out—it’s about giving yourself space to feel supported, explore what’s beneath the surface, and move forward in a way that actually feels sustainable.
Learn more about me and my approach
You don’t need to wait for a crisis. You’re allowed to take care of yourself now.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If starting therapy feels like one more overwhelming thing on your list, you’re not alone—and chances are, perfectionism isn’t the only thing getting in the way. People-pleasing, burnout, and anxiety often show up alongside it, making it even harder to slow down, ask for help, or trust that you’re allowed to care for yourself. That’s why I offer therapy from my Garden City based office not just for perfectionism, but also for the patterns that tend to travel with it. Whether you’re feeling disconnected, stretched too thin, or just quietly wondering if there’s another way to be, therapy can help you start where you are—no crisis required.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who offers online therapy for anxious perfectionists across New York. She works with women who are used to managing it all—but quietly wonder if it’s finally time to stop holding everything together alone. With warmth, clinical insight, and lived experience, Adina helps clients untangle the pressure to be endlessly capable and explore what it might feel like to ask for support. In perfectionism therapy, she offers a space where you don’t have to earn care, prove you’re struggling “enough,” or do things perfectly to be understood.