Why Charging What You’re Worth Feels So Uncomfortable (Especially for Perfectionists)
You make good money already, but you’d like to earn more—because you work hard, you do great work, and honestly, the cost of living here in NY is high. A “high” salary doesn’t always feel so high here.
When you’re thinking about raising your rates, negotiating your salary, or asking for more, part of you knows you’re with it. You’re competent and capable, you really deliver. You deserve to make a great living.
But another part of you jumps in quickly, saying:
“You already make a lot. Why do you need more?”
“Stop being greedy.”
“Be grateful for what you have.”
So, you hold back. Again.
As an online therapist for perfectionism in Garden City, NY, I can tell you there’s usually a lot more going on underneath that hesitation than it seems on the surface. I work with women who are self-aware, thoughtful, hard-working, and already financially stable. Many of them do negotiate, ask for raises, and raise their rates. But often, they also:
Ask for a little less than they could
Accept being slightly undervalued
Soften their boundaries when money talks get uncomfortable
Delay making changes for months (or years)
When we explore it together, there’s almost always something deeper driving that pattern; some of it conscious, some of it not.
And I’ll be honest: As a therapist and private practice owner, I’ve had to do this deeper work too. Because I’ve raised my rates and doubted myself. I’ve downplayed the depth of the work I do. I’ve let guilt come in and dictate decisions instead of looking at my own financial needs and long-term stability.
I’m not willing to do that anymore. And I hope you’re not either.
Because the more we downplay our needs and undervalue our work, the more we reinforce the belief that we should stay small.
How This Shows Up in High-Earning, Perfectionistic Women
From the outside, everything looks fine. You’re successful, respected, and doing well.
But internally, there’s tension.
Here’s what I often see:
Difficulty holding firm boundaries when money is involved (late payments, doing more than you signed up for, unpaid labor, etc.)
Setting rates that are technically “good” but lower than they need to be
Offering discounts quickly when someone says your price is too high
Taking a long time to raise your rates or ask for a raise, even when you know it’s overdue
Negotiating less aggressively because you’re “already paid well”
Adding extra services or over-delivering to justify your higher rate
Over-explaining or defending your fees or salary
Avoiding conversations with colleagues about compensation, so you don’t fully know your market value
Downplaying gender pay gaps or systemic inequities, even though they absolutely affect you
Hesitating to invest in quality support for yourself (therapy, mentorship, strategic help), while still spending on quicker, easier fixes
I’ve seen this come up over and over with consultants, corporate professionals, business owners, creatives, even attorneys.
It’s the “I’ll take what I can get” mindset. Or “This is already good money. I shouldn’t ask for more.” Or even “What if I negotiate too much and they decide I’m too difficult?”
It can feel safer to accept a little less than to risk putting yourself out there and asking for more. And when you’re someone who values stability and doesn’t want to create conflict, that pull towards safety can be strong.
What’s Actually Going on Internally?
Undercharging is often less about strategy and more about safety. Here’s what may be happening underneath the surface:
Fear of Being Seen as Greedy or Selfish
If you already earn good money, asking for more can bring up shame. You might worry about how you’ll be perceived, and you don’t want to be “too much.”
You might also worry that charging more means you’re taking advantage of people, even when your rates are in line with your experience and the quality of work you do. Especially if you genuinely care about people and want to help, it can feel uncomfortable to fully own your value.
Perfectionism and Unrealistic Standards
You might have an unspoken, internal rule that sounds something like “I can charge more when I’m doing everything perfectly.” If you’re not operating at 100% all the time, it can feel like you haven’t earned the right to raise your rates or earn more.
For women experiencing perfectionism and anxiety in Garden City, NY, these thoughts often show up as chronic self-doubt, overthinking, and hesitation—even when you know you’re capable and competent.
Increased Pressure
More money can equal more pressure in your mind. Higher salary = higher expectations = less room for mistakes.
Even if you logically know you’re competent, your nervous system may register it as a risk.
The Weight of Guilt
You might feel guilty earning more than your parents, people you grew up with, friends in different fields, your partner (especially in heteronormative relationships), or people who struggle financially.
You might feel guilty about having access to opportunities others don’t, especially if you come from a background where those opportunities weren’t always available.
Anxiety in Your Body
This isn’t just based in your thoughts. It’s a physical experience too. This might look like:
Tightness in your chest
Racing thoughts
Trouble sleeping after sending the negotiation email
Replaying conversations in your head
Of course you’d want to avoid these feelings (even if avoiding them ultimately holds you back).
Where Does This Come From?
There are so many layers to this.
You may have grown up with messages about staying small, being “nice,” not asking for too much, and not needing much. If you were praised for being responsible, low maintenance, and attuned to others, asking for more can feel risky rather than empowering. On top of that, you might have internalized subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages about what you deserve based on your gender, race, religion, or other parts of your identity.
Sometimes, workplaces or industries send these messages too, like when they tell you you’ll earn more if you take on more responsibility, even when you’ve already taken on a lot without fair compensation. It can feel like you constantly have to prove your worth by taking on more and more.
And if you’re upwardly mobile, earning more than your family did, there can be guilt there too. Charging rates your parents couldn’t afford can feel deeply uncomfortable, even if it’s a sign of your growth and success.
If you’re a woman working in male-dominated industries—corporate leadership, law, finance, entrepreneurship—the stakes can feel even higher. It can feel like you have more to prove. And if you’re from a marginalized background, that pressure can feel so much higher. You might not have many role models who look like you. You might actually be the role model.
That’s a lot of pressure to hold.
So of course your nervous system would go on high alert when you’re thinking of stepping further into visibility, power, and higher compensation. But just because it feels activating doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It just means your system is trying to protect you.
The goal isn’t to just force yourself to bypass that. It’s to understand it, and gently expand what feels safe.
How Online Therapy for Perfectionism in Garden City, NY Can Help
In therapy with me, we look at both the emotional patterns and the practical behaviors around money and perfectionism in your personal and professional life.
We:
Explore the beliefs you’ve internalized about money, success, and what you’re allowed to want
Identify where those beliefs came from, and whether they still fit the life you’re building now
Lean into the proof of what you actually have to offer, and strengthen your confidence in why you deserve to make more
Strengthen your ability to set clear, firm boundaries around compensation
Practice expressing your needs (and wants) directly, even when others may have reactions
Work on regulating the anxiety that comes up when you ask for more (to help your body stay grounded)
Untangle perfectionism from worth, so earning more doesn’t necessarily mean demanding more from yourself
Align your spending with your values, so you can also receive high-quality support without guilt.
And likely, we’ll uncover even more layers together.
This work isn’t just about money. It’s about how you value yourself. And that shows up everywhere—your career, relationships, boundaries, and long-term stability.
If you’re in NY and this resonates, even if you’re not 100% ready yet to make big changes but you know something needs to shift, I’d love to support you through therapy for perfectionism in Garden City.
Reach out for a consultation call. We can start unpacking what’s holding you back, whether financially or in other areas of your life.
WHAT IF OWNING YOUR VALUE DIDN'T HAVE TO FEEL SO SCARY? START ONLINE THERAPY FOR PERFECTIONISM IN GARDEN CITY, NEW YORK
If you've been reading this and recognizing yourself—softening your rates, accepting less than you're worth, over-delivering to justify your fees, or avoiding compensation conversations altogether—you're not being dramatic. You're experiencing what happens when perfectionism and people-pleasing run the show in your financial life. At Balanced Connection Counseling, my Garden City–based practice, I work with high-achieving women who are doing well on paper but quietly struggling underneath—women who know they deserve more but can't seem to ask for it without guilt, who set boundaries everywhere except when money is involved, and who keep proving their worth instead of simply owning it. In online therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, New York, we unpack the beliefs that keep you undercharging, over-functioning, and measuring your value by how much you give rather than what you actually deserve to receive. Working with an online therapist for perfectionism means having someone in your corner who understands the unique pressure of being successful and still feeling like it's not enough—and who can help you stop shrinking yourself financially so that everyone else stays comfortable.
Learn more about me as an online therapist for perfectionism in New York, and how I help perfectionists stop undervaluing themselves
You don't have to earn the right to charge what you're worth. Therapy can help you stop waiting for permission and start building a relationship with money that reflects the life you're actually working toward.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT BALANCED CONNECTION COUNSELING
If you can't seem to hold firm on your rates, negotiate without guilt, or believe you deserve more without immediately second-guessing yourself, there's almost always something deeper going on beneath the money stuff. Anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, and the constant pressure to prove you've earned your place often show up alongside financial undervaluing—making it nearly impossible to set boundaries around compensation, invest in your own growth without shame, or stop over-delivering just to justify what you're already worth. That's why I offer online therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, New York, along with specialized support for the emotional patterns that keep you accepting less, staying small, and convincing yourself that wanting more makes you greedy or ungrateful. I help clients understand the deeper stories driving their discomfort with money—the childhood messages about staying humble, the guilt of out-earning people they love, the fear that charging more means they'll be seen as too much. If you've been holding back financially while pouring everything into proving your value, or if you're exhausted from working harder and harder while still feeling like you haven't earned the right to ask for what you deserve, therapy for perfectionism can offer a compassionate space to stop shrinking and start owning what you bring to the table.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and online therapist for perfectionism in Garden City and throughout New York State. She works with high-achieving, anxious perfectionists and people-pleasers who look successful on the outside but quietly struggle to charge what they're worth, hold firm on their rates, or ask for more without a wave of guilt telling them they should just be grateful for what they have. With warmth, clinical expertise, and a deep understanding of how perfectionism and anxiety show up in your relationship with money and self-worth, Adina helps clients untangle the beliefs that keep them undercharging, over-delivering, and measuring their value by how much they sacrifice rather than what they actually deserve. Through online therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, New York, she creates a compassionate space where you can explore the deeper patterns behind your financial hesitation—the fear of being seen as greedy, the guilt of wanting more, the pressure to earn your worth through endless proving—so you can finally stop shrinking yourself to keep everyone else comfortable, set boundaries around money with confidence, and begin building a relationship with your own value that isn't contingent on how much you give away.