When “I’ll Rest After This” Becomes a Perfectionist Cycle You Can’t Break
Thanksgiving’s coming up, and you’ve got a lot on your plate (pun only kind of intended 🥧). You’re excited for some of it, but you also know it’s a lot, and you’re telling yourself, “I’ll rest after this.” It’s how you get through, reminding yourself there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
But then, before you’ve really had a chance to breathe, we’ve got Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, (insert your holiday here) just a few short weeks later. Oh, and let’s not forget New Year’s right after that. So again, you tell yourself, “I’ll rest after this.”
And okay, once January hits, things might slow down… at least a little. But probably not for long. Because work ramps up, your friends are trying to fight the winter blues by making more plans, or you’re trying to stay on top of your goals while keeping up with everything else. And sometimes, when things finally do get quiet, that stillness feels strange. So, you fill your schedule back up. Dinner with friends here, a weekend trip there, maybe even a little “self-care” vacation that ends up being more draining than restful.
And before you know it, you’re back in it.
If we’re being honest, it’s not just the holidays. This “I’ll rest after this” pattern shows up all year long.
As a therapist for perfectionists in New York, I see this cycle come up constantly in sessions, especially with women who find it hard to rest without guilt. They take on too much (holiday or not), crash for a bit, then overcompensate by planning even more. The cycle repeats, and they’re stuck struggling to slow down, always saying they’ll rest “later.”
So, just like I do with my therapy clients, let’s take a closer look at what keeps this pattern going, and how to start breaking it.
Why Do Perfectionists Keep Falling Into the “I’ll Rest After This” Cycle?
We’re not great at predicting how we’ll feel later.
We tend to assume our future selves will feel more rested, more capable, more “ready” than we do right now. So, that plan we’re making for a month from now feels fine… until we get there and realize we’ve overcommitted again.
We forget about the discomfort quicker than we think.
Even when we promise ourselves “never again” after a week of exhaustion, the intensity of that memory fades. We tell ourselves this time will be different—or maybe last time wasn’t that bad. That’s part of how perfectionism and burnout reinforce each other: we forget how draining it felt, instead focusing on how much or how little we “accomplished,” and fall right back into old habits.
Perfectionism tells us we should be able to do it all.
That inner perfectionist voice says, “Other people handle this. Why can’t I?” It makes rest feel undeserved, even lazy. But rest is productive. It’s what allows your mind and body to reset so you can show up as yourself again.
People-pleasing keeps us saying “yes.”
When a friend invites us out or our boss brings up a new project, it’s easy to say yes because we don’t want to let anyone down, or we’re worried about being forgotten. Many perfectionists and people-pleasers carry a deep fear of disappointing others or changing how people see them. That fear can easily override the part of you that knows you need rest.
Stillness can feel uncomfortable.
Even when you’re craving rest, slowing down can feel foreign or even scary. If chaos and overdoing have always been your normal, quiet can bring up loneliness, guilt, or self-doubt. So, you promise yourself, “I’ll rest after this,” but once that moment comes, it feels unfamiliar. You might panic (consciously or not) and fill the space again.
How Therapy for Perfectionists Helps You Finally Learn to Rest
In therapy for perfectionists, you’ll explore what keeps you in the “I’ll rest after this” cycle, and what it would look like to step out of it. Working with a therapist who specializes in perfectionism and people-pleasing can help you unlearn the belief that your worth depends on how much you do.
Here’s some of what I bring into therapy sessions with my clients:
We’ll start with awareness.
Together, we’ll unpack your patterns—what they are, where they came from, and what fears come up when you imagine changing them.
We’ll add practical and emotional tools.
You’ll learn concrete skills for setting boundaries, calming your nervous system, and making choices from a grounded place rather than from fear or scarcity.
We’ll practice getting comfortable with the discomfort.
Resting can feel unnatural when you’re used to constant motion. In therapy, you’ll learn to slow down and notice what comes up in those quiet moments: your thoughts, emotions, and the physical sensations that go along with them. Together, we’ll work on building the capacity to stay present, even when it feels uncomfortable, so you don’t automatically rush to fill the space.
We’ll clarify your values.
When you’re clear on what matters most to you, it’s easier to make decisions that align with your values instead of giving into fear and self-criticism.
Breaking the Cycle, One Step at a Time
Getting out of this perfectionist cycle doesn’t mean you’ll never fall back into it. But it does mean you’ll start catching yourself sooner, making more intentional decisions, and have the tools to reset before you burn out again.
Change doesn’t happen all at once. You can take it one step at a time—testing what rest feels like, getting used to having a little more calm, proving to yourself that you can handle it, and then adding a little more.
Your perfectionism and high expectations don’t need to run your schedule anymore. You can rest now, not “after this.”
And if you’re ready to stop saying “I’ll rest after this” and finally break the perfectionist cycle, therapy can help. If you’re in New York and this resonates, reach out here to get started.
Is It Time to Start Therapy for Perfectionists in New York?
If you keep telling yourself, “I’ll rest after this,” but the to-do list never seems to end, you’re not alone. From my Garden City–based practice, I work with perfectionists and people-pleasers who find themselves running on empty, even when things look “fine” from the outside. In therapy for perfectionists in New York, we slow down the cycle of overthinking, pressure, and exhaustion—creating space to rest, recharge, and still feel accomplished without burning out. You don’t have to earn your rest; you just need a safe place to start learning what it feels like to take it.
Learn more about me as a therapist for perfectionism and how I support perfectionists like you
You’re allowed to rest before you crash. Therapy can help you find balance between doing enough and finally feeling enough.
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
If “I’ll rest after this” has quietly turned into your default setting, there’s a good chance perfectionism isn’t the only thing keeping you busy. Anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing often show up right alongside it—making it even harder to slow down, say no, or believe your need for rest is valid. That’s why I offer perfectionism therapy in Garden City, NY, along with support for the patterns that keep you overcommitted and running on fumes. If you’ve been wondering what it might be like to have a space where you don’t have to earn your rest first, therapy can be a gentle place to start.
About the Author
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who offers perfectionism therapy in Garden City, NY and online throughout New York. She works with women who are constantly saying “I’ll slow down after this”—thinking through every angle, staying prepared, and pushing themselves long past the point of exhaustion. With warmth, clinical grounding, and a deep understanding of how perfectionism and people-pleasing keep women overextended, Adina helps clients step out of the pressure to do more and begin creating space for rest that doesn’t have to be earned. In perfectionism therapy, she offers a place where you get to be human—not endlessly productive—so you can finally show up for yourself with care, honesty, and compassion.