How to Handle Pushback from Your Team (Without Spiraling as a New Leader)
My last post talked about that first moment in a new leadership role when your team disagrees with you, and why it can bring up so much. And before that, I wrote more generally about why getting pushback after that transition into leadership can bring up anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Now, let’s talk about what actually helps in handling this emotionally, both in the moment and in general.
As an online therapist for perfectionism in Garden City, NY, I’ve been working a lot with women who’ve recently stepped into leadership roles and are now navigating everything this brings up—the exciting parts, the overwhelming parts, and definitely the anxiety, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome.
And while working through all of this isn’t exactly easy (this is a big part of what I support people with in therapy for perfectionism and people-pleasing), there are some tools you can start using that can make a difference. So, let’s talk about them!
Tools for when someone on your team disagrees or pushes back (in the moment)
Pause - don’t just react
Before reacting outwardly (whether that’s trying to smooth things over, backtracking, or doubling down), pause. Especially if you’re in a new leadership role, it can feel like it’s your job to fix things, perform, or have the answer right away. But often, it’s more helpful to slow down and respond from a more grounded place.
So, once you’ve paused, notice what you’re feeling. Bonus points if you can name the emotion, even keeping it general. That can give you a little space from the automatic reaction and help you understand what’s actually coming up.
Resist the urge to over-explain, apologize, or get defensive
(Easier said than done)
These are totally normal reactions, especially if you lean towards people-pleasing or perfectionism. And for a lot of women in leadership, this urge can feel even stronger: wanting to be liked, not be misunderstood, and not be seen as “too much” or “too difficult.” But reacting from that place usually leaves you feeling worse later.
Take a few slow, deep breaths
I know this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this one. But there’s an actual reason this helps.
When your nervous system is activated, it’s hard to think clearly. Your breathing usually gets quicker and more shallow, which keeps your nervous system heightened. You don’t need a full breathing exercise here, but start by slowing your breath down and letting it go deeper into your body. That send more oxygen to your brain so you can think more cleanly, and it signals your system that it’s safe to slow down.
Plant your feet on the ground
Especially if you feel the urge to run (physically or emotionally), grounding yourself physically can help you stay a little more present in the moment instead of spiraling.
Notice the stories you’re telling yourself
Being in this new role is likely to bring up a lot of old stories – of not being enough, being too much, and plenty of other stories about your worth or your place in the world – even if you didn’t realize those stories were still there. And because of those old stories coming up, you might notice even more perfectionism showing up in this early phase of leadership, typically as a way to feel more in control (even if it ends up backfiring).
I often encourage my clients to use “The story I’m telling myself is…” before those unhelpful thoughts. This helps you name what’s coming up instead of getting fully pulled into it.
From there, you can get a little curious – Where have you felt this before? What does this remind you of?
This isn’t to prove the story right, but to give context for why this situation is hitting so hard. These reactions usually don’t come out of nowhere.
… and consider whether there might be another explanation
(One that doesn’t sound like, “I knew I was too much” or “they definitely think I’m not cut out for this”)
This isn’t about convincing yourself you’re wrong or dismissing your reaction. It’s about checking in realistically: Is there any other possible explanation – besides the most personal one?
And quick side note – there’s a difference between an explanation and an excuse. Understanding why someone is reacting a certain way doesn’t automatically make it okay. But it can remind you that it’s not all about you.
Create some distance from your thoughts
This is a tool called cognitive defusion (used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and it’s less about what the thought is and more about how you relate to it.
It’s something I use a lot in my work with clients, especially around perfectionism, people-pleasing, and stepping into more visible leadership roles.
The goal here isn’t to analyze the thought. It’s to notice it without automatically believing it.
A couple of simple ways to practice this:
Add “I’m having the thought that…” before the thought (e.g., “I’m having the thought that I’m not cut out for this” instead of “I’m not cut out for this”)
Picture your thoughts as clouds in the sky, showing up, passing through, and eventually moving on
These are small shifts, but they help you relate to your thoughts differently, so they feel less like facts and more like mental experiences that come and go.
Tools for after the interaction (when it’s still replaying over and over in your head)
Let yourself feel it
Pretending it didn’t affect you doesn’t make it go away. So yes, cry it out if you need to. Yell into a pillow. Talk it out.
And keep in mind – there’s a difference between feeling something and ruminating on it. Give yourself a chance to have the feelings without getting stuck in hours of overthinking.
Move your body
Exercise and/or shake it out
This can look like intense exercise (just for a short amount of time), or something simple like shaking out the tension. Let your body physically process and move through the stress response instead of holding onto it.
Go for a walk
This gives you movement, some space, and a change in your environment. Plus, the natural back-and-forth movement of your body (eye movements and alternating steps) when you walk actually helps your brain process a bit more smoothly. It’s similar to part of what’s used in EMDR to help people process intense experiences.
Try some self-compassion
I know—this one can feel a little cheesy. And it’s definitely easier said than done, especially for perfectionists who have high expectations of themselves.
But the last thing you need after something like this is more internal criticism. Especially when you’re already navigating the internal (and sometimes external) pressure to prove yourself in a leadership role.
Also, when’s the last time being hard on yourself actually helped?
Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook for everything all the time or not motivating yourself to improve. It’s about acknowledging that you’re human, that you’re learning, and that you don’t need to make yourself feel terrible in the process.
Plus, self-compassion actually ultimately helps with motivation, growth, and reducing anxiety.
Get support (without getting stuck in a mental loop)
Talk it out with someone you trust. Just be mindful of not replaying the situation over and over in a way that keeps you activated. You want to feel heard and supported, not more on edge.
Tools for navigating this transition overall
Take breaks – regularly and intentionally
I’m talking about actual lunch breaks, stepping away during the day, weekends, vacations – all of it.
If you have a high-achieving nature, this can already be tough. Adding in a new leadership role where you feel like you have something to prove only makes it harder. Especially if you now have more or bigger responsibilities, a team to manage, a business to run, it’s so easy to put off or downplay the things that feel good (like breaks).
But this isn’t just about fun (although it is about that, too). It’s about taking care of yourself so you can continue to show up in a sustainable way.
Because trust me (at least as much as you can trust a stranger on the internet, even a licensed one), breaks are necessary. They help your brain reset, reduce burnout, and maybe most importantly, they send a message to your nervous system that it’s safe to pause and that you’re allowed to take care of yourself.
Be part of a supportive community
It’s easy to feel like people won’t understand, or what you shouldn’t complain about when things look good on paper – especially if that’s the feedback you’ve gotten before. And if you tend to have a pattern of perfectionism, it can feel really vulnerable to put yourself out there like this and share what’s really going on.
But support is so important. And there are people out there who will get it, even if you haven’t found them just yet.
That could be other women in leadership roles, a professional group, close friends, or anyone who genuinely tries to understand your experience.
Feeling less alone in this makes a huge difference. This is especially true for women in leadership, where it can feel isolating to be in a place of authority while also feeling the pressure around how you’re perceived.
Therapy for Perfectionism and People-Pleasing
This transition, and especially those moments of disagreement or pushback, can bring up a lot.
Therapy for perfectionism and people-pleasing gives you space to process what’s happening now, while also working through the deeper patterns underneath so they don’t keep showing up in the same ways. This is where we can start to unpack the pressure to perform, prove, or get everything “right” that so many women carry into leadership.
Yes, this might feel like the worst time to start therapy because you already have so much on your plate. And I get that. If I’m being honest, I’ve told myself this in the past too… and put off doing the things that ended up actually helping.
So, I want you to ask yourself: What’s the cost of waiting? What happens if these patterns just sit there and build? Will I actually have more time later, or is that wishful thinking or an easy excuse to push it off?
Working with someone who gets it—and who’ll support you while also challenging you—can genuinely change how you move through this phase. If you're dealing with perfectionism and people pleasing in New York and it's showing up in your leadership, I'd love to help.
WHAT IF YOU COULD LEAD THROUGH PUSHBACK? START ONLINE THERAPY FOR PERFECTIONISM AND PEOPLE PLEASING IN NEW YORK
If you've been reading through these tools and thinking, "I know all of this, but I still can't stop spiraling"—that makes sense. Because knowing what to do and actually being able to do it when your nervous system is activated are two very different things. At Balanced Connection Counseling, my Garden City–based practice, I work with high-achieving women who've read all the leadership books, tried all the breathing exercises, and still find themselves replaying conversations for hours, over-explaining decisions that don't need defending, and quietly adjusting their approach every time someone pushes back. In online therapy for perfectionism and people pleasing in New York, we go deeper than the tools—we unpack the patterns underneath, the old stories driving your reactions, and why your system goes on high alert the moment someone disagrees with you. Working with an online therapist for perfectionism means having someone who gets why knowing better doesn't always mean feeling better—and who can help you actually practice leading through discomfort instead of just reading about it.
Learn more about me as an online therapist for perfectionism in New York
You don't have to wait until you have more time. Therapy can help you stop putting off the thing that would actually help.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT BALANCED CONNECTION COUNSELING
If you've tried the tools and still can't stop the spiral—still replaying meetings, still over-functioning after pushback, still measuring your leadership by whether everyone left the room happy—there's usually something deeper going on. Anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, and the pressure to get everything right in a new role often show up alongside these patterns—making it nearly impossible to pause before reacting, trust your own decisions, or let your team be uncomfortable without making it mean something about you. That's why I offer online therapy for perfectionism and people pleasing in New York, along with specialized therapy for women navigating the emotional patterns that keep them absorbing every reaction, softening every boundary, and telling themselves they'll start taking care of themselves once things calm down. I help clients understand why self-compassion feels impossible, why breaks feel irresponsible, and why the thought "I should be able to handle this on my own" keeps them stuck. If you're exhausted from white-knuckling your way through leadership while pretending everything's fine, therapy for perfectionism can offer a compassionate space to stop managing it all alone and start actually processing what's coming up.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and online therapist for perfectionism in Garden City and throughout New York State. She works with high-achieving, anxious perfectionists and people-pleasers who know what they're supposed to do when pushback hits—pause, breathe, ground themselves—but still find themselves spiraling anyway, replaying conversations for hours, and quietly wondering if they're really cut out for leadership. With warmth, clinical expertise, and a deep understanding of how perfectionism and people-pleasing show up in these transitions, Adina helps clients go beyond the surface-level tools and into the deeper patterns that keep them over-functioning, over-explaining, and putting everyone else's comfort above their own. Through online therapy for perfectionism and people pleasing in New York, she creates a compassionate space where you can explore why knowing better doesn't always feel like enough, why your nervous system treats disagreement like danger, and what it would actually take to lead without abandoning yourself in the process—so you can stop waiting for the "right time" to get support and start trusting the leader you already are.