Imposter Syndrome Isn’t the Full Picture – Here’s What Is

Something shifted when you stepped into this role – the promotion, the business you’ve started – and it’s not what you expected. Lately, the term "imposter syndrome" keeps floating around in your head. And it feels like every other video you see on Instagram or TikTok is talking about it too (how do they know you're struggling so much right now??). But what if the real problem isn't imposter syndrome? What if it's actually an identity shift you're navigating, with so much more underneath it?

As an online therapist for perfectionism and women in leadership in Garden City, NY, this term comes up quite a bit in sessions. I work with women who are perfectly competent (even if they doubt it themselves) and who feel like imposters as they move into new roles. And what I keep seeing is that ‘imposter syndrome” doesn’t quite cover what they’re experiencing. That's why therapy for perfectionism goes so much deeper than just reframing the thought. It’s not just about shifting the thought that you’re not good enough. In fact, calling it that can actually hold you back, because it misses something important: the identity piece. Here’s what I see is often really going on:

What's Really Going On (Hint: You Haven't Caught Up to Yourself Yet)

You’ve probably been pretty competent for most of your life, even if you haven’t always felt that way. But this is new territory, so yeah, there’s going to be self-doubt. That part makes sense!

What doesn’t get talked about as much is that stepping into this role means taking on a new part of your identity that you're still exploring and building on. You're figuring out who you are now. And this new role might be challenging how you've always seen yourself, or how you've been taught to see yourself, including all the messages we absorb growing up about women keeping themselves small. That's a significant shift, even if part of you thinks it "shouldn't" be. Because the role itself isn't just a job title, it’s a new version of you that takes time and intention to integrate.

And on top of that, you might be grieving what you left behind. The relative ease of less pressure and responsibility. The peers who were navigating similar things and could relate. The version of yourself you knew well. There's a real loss in moving up, even when it's something you wanted. That grief doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. It often just means something’s genuinely changing.

Why Visibility Feels So Uncomfortable When You're Moving Up

Part of what makes being seen so hard right now is that the stakes feel higher. There's more to lose, more to prove, and a sense that everyone around you expects more from you too. Your colleagues are often more senior, and there are fewer of them, which makes comparison feel closer and self-doubt easier to justify.

There's also something especially exhausting about figuring out who you are in this new role while feeling like people are watching you do it. You're still finding your footing internally, but externally you're expected to look like you've already found it (or at least that’s how it feels). 

And on top of that, for much of your life, you've probably worked hard to keep the peace, to be liked, to make things work for everyone. Leadership doesn't really allow for that anymore. You'll disappoint people. You'll make calls that not everyone agrees with. You'll get pushback. Learning to tolerate that, without taking it as evidence that something is wrong with you, is some of the most important and uncomfortable work of stepping into this role.

How Perfectionism and Self-Doubt Keep You Stuck

Perfectionism keeps you from seeing what you're actually capable of. When you need everything to go "right," you never get to find out how you handle it when things don't go as planned. You never get to see yourself adapt, recover, or figure it out (and that process, as uncomfortable as it is, is actually how you start to understand who you are in this new role). Every potential mistake feels like higher stakes, and the cycle continues. Plus, perfectionism keeps you performing a version of yourself rather than exploring who you actually are now.

Self-doubt works similarly. It's the voice that says, okay, I did it this time, but I must've gotten lucky – next time might be different. It keeps you from taking in positive feedback and reflects a deeper lack of trust in yourself to navigate this new chapter. Both perfectionism and self-doubt make it really hard to integrate this new part of your identity, because they keep pulling you back to who you were before. This is exactly the kind of work we do in therapy for perfectionism.

Is It Really Imposter Syndrome? Signs It Might Be Something Deeper

• You hear the positive feedback, but it doesn't update how you see yourself, because you're not quite sure who you are in this role yet

• You find yourself wondering who you are outside of who you used to be, not just whether you're good enough at your job

• You keep comparing your current self to who you used to be, rather than who you're becoming

• You felt solid enough in your competence before, and now that groundedness feels harder to access

• You feel a kind of grief or loss you can't quite explain, even though things are going well enough on paper

• You feel like you're waiting to feel like yourself again, without being sure what that even looks like now

Why "Fake It till You Make It" Only Goes So Far (And What Actually Helps)

"Fake it till you make it" can be useful in some ways, but it's not what gets you all the way there. When you're in the middle of a real identity shift, stuck in cycles of self-doubt, your negativity bias will keep convincing you that none of the wins count as real proof. You're trying to perform a version of yourself you haven't actually had time to become yet. And telling yourself you're faking it, rather than creating space to explore who you're growing into, just reinforces the idea that you'll always have to keep faking it.

What helps more is learning to notice when doubt shows up and getting curious about it. Is this a situation that's genuinely new and unfamiliar? Is the self-doubt actually protecting you, or is it just making things harder? These moments of pause are actually opportunities to get to know this new version of yourself – to notice how you handle things now, what you're learning, where you're growing. You can also work on actively noticing where you’re more capable than you feel, even in small ways. Not to "prove" anything, but because building an accurate picture of who you're becoming is a big part of how this identity shift actually happens.

And some of the most powerful work (and maybe the most uncomfortable) is letting yourself be more of a beginner. Not performing confidence, but staying in the room even when you don't feel certain. That's how you actually build trust in yourself and learn who you are now.

You Don't Have to Keep Outrunning This

Instead of pushing through the doubt or trying to escape it, you can learn to pause when it shows up and get curious about what's underneath. That discomfort isn't a sign that you're in the wrong place. Often, it's a sign that you're in exactly the right one: somewhere new, somewhere that's asking you to grow into this updated version of yourself.

You don't have to have it all figured out to belong in this role. And you don't have to keep doing this alone. As an online therapist for perfectionism, I help women navigate exactly this. If you're in NY and you’re ready to stop outrunning the feeling and start working through what's actually underneath it, I'd love to support you.

What If It's Not Imposter Syndrome—And You're Ready to Find Out What It Actually Is? Start Therapy for Perfectionism in Garden City

If you've been calling it imposter syndrome but it doesn't quite fit—if it feels more like you're grieving who you used to be, struggling to integrate this new version of yourself, or performing confidence instead of actually building it—you're not broken. You're in the middle of a real identity shift, and perfectionism and self-doubt are making it so much harder to move through. As a therapist for perfectionism based in Garden City, NY, I work with women who are capable, competent, and still quietly wondering if they belong in the role they've earned. In therapy for perfectionism, we go beyond the surface-level "just believe in yourself" advice and into the deeper work—exploring who you're becoming, why visibility feels so uncomfortable, and what it would actually take to stop outrunning the doubt and start trusting yourself in this new chapter.

If that resonates, let's talk.

• Schedule a free consultation with a therapist for perfectionism in New York

• Learn more about my approach to therapy for perfectionism

• You don't have to fake it forever. Therapy at Balanced Connection Counseling can help you actually become who you're growing into—instead of performing her.

Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling

If you've been calling it imposter syndrome but it feels bigger than that—like you're questioning who you are now, grieving who you used to be, and performing confidence while quietly falling apart—there's usually a lot more going on underneath. When perfectionism runs the show, it often brings along anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, and that relentless pressure to look like you've already figured out a role you're still growing into. That's why I offer therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, NY, along with support for women navigating identity shifts in leadership who are tired of faking it and ready to actually become who they're growing into. Therapy can be a place to explore who you are now, build real trust in yourself instead of performing it, and stop treating self-doubt like proof that you don't belong.

About the Author

Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who offers therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, NY and online throughout New York. She works with women who've stepped into bigger roles and can't shake the feeling that they don't quite belong there—women who hear the positive feedback but can't take it in, who keep comparing themselves to who they used to be, and who are quietly grieving a version of themselves they understood while trying to become someone they haven't fully met yet. With warmth and clinical insight, Adina helps clients go beyond the "imposter syndrome" label and into the real work—untangling the perfectionism, self-doubt, and pressure to perform that keep them faking confidence instead of actually building it. In therapy, she offers a space where you can explore who you're becoming without rushing the process, stop outrunning the discomfort, and start trusting yourself in this new chapter instead of waiting to feel ready.