Why Pushback in New Leadership Roles Brings Anxiety, Perfectionism, and People-Pleasing
If you’ve pretty much always been praised for the great work you do, but now you’re the one leading the team and you’re actually getting some pushback, and it’s bringing up way more than you expected… you’re in good company, and this is for you.
I’m a therapist for perfectionism based in Garden City, NY, and I work with women navigating perfectionism and people-pleasing, especially those who’ve recently stepped into leadership or more visibility and are panicking after getting real pushback for the first time.
And yes, we talk a lot about work in therapy for perfectionism. But we also end up talking about what’s really underneath this reaction: The fear that they’re actually too much. Or not enough. (Or somehow both at the same time). The fear that they’re going to be exposed. The fear that they were never really cut out for this.
Spoiler: They’re typically very capable (that’s how they got to this role in the first place). So, it’s not actually about competence. It’s about old stories getting activated, and a nervous system that hasn’t caught up to their current reality.
So, whether you just got a major promotion, became a business owner, made partner at your firm, started directing a big project, or you’re just feeling the weight of being more visible than you’ve ever been before—let’s talk about it.
Why Getting Promoted Can Trigger Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome
Even if you’re used to getting feedback, and not everyone has always agreed with you, getting feedback (and especially pushback) in a leadership role hits differently.
When you’re no longer working under someone but are now the one making the calls, the stakes feel higher. There’s more responsibility, it feels like there’s farther to fall, you might assume the expectations are higher (whether or not they actually are), and there are more eyes on you.
And sometimes there’s more competition, which brings more comparison and opportunities for projection. So, even if you felt prepared enough, this can all land in a completely different way.
But there’s usually more going on underneath than just this. Because visibility is vulnerable. For many women, especially the sensitive, high-achieving ones, visibility has a way of bringing up all our stuff, like:
Old roles from childhood – Maybe you were the “good girl,” the responsible one, the smart one who got praise for performing well. Or maybe you were smart but struggled in ways that made you feel less than. Leadership can bring all that back up
The old fear of not being “good enough” – When you’ve always wondered if you’re really “good enough,” even mild pushback can feel like confirmation that you’ve been “found out.” You’ve earned the role, but it still feels like you have to keep proving yourself
An anxious nervous system – If you’re already prone to overthinking, your system is constantly scanning for danger. Feedback, and especially pushback, can feel like a threat
Loneliness – Being on a different level than your peers can feel surprisingly isolating (especially if you’re now managing some of them), even if you’re also feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished. That might feed into old narratives and fears, like the ones where you never feel like you totally belong
Not being able to please everyone – If people-pleasing has worked well for most of your life, leadership might be the first that strategy truly stops working, so this is totally new territory. In therapy for people-pleasing in Garden City, NY, we often work on tolerating the discomfort of disappointing others without sinking into shame
Loss of control – You’re used to being the one who does it all well. But now as a leader, there’s a lot more to manage. Plus, you’re not just responsible for your own work, and outcomes reflect on you even when you delegate. This can make us feel powerless and bring up a lot of our self-worth stuff
A loud inner critic – Negative reactions (or anything that could be perceived as negative) translate in your mind to “You’re doing everything wrong”
Telling yourself you’re “too sensitive” – Like you might’ve heard from others in the past. Repeating this to yourself and telling yourself you should “just be grateful,” usually just adds shame and doesn’t actually make anything better
Gender expectations – Many women are taught (directly, indirectly, or both) to stay small. Stepping into your authority—and then getting reactions—can trigger that old conditioning
So, of course this brings stuff up. I’d be surprised if it didn’t!
Other Signs Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Anxiety Are Showing Up in Your Leadership Role
There are all different ways this show up both in work and in your personal life, because again, this is about more than just work—and it affects more than just work.
Here are some ways this often shows up for people in new leadership roles who are navigating pushback:
Overcompensating – working even harder, trying to prove you deserve the role, arguing your point harder, or trying to take even more control in other areas of your life. So basically, even more perfectionism
Shrinking – pulling back, downplaying your knowledge and authority, trying to make everyone happy, avoiding hard conversations
Ruminating – replaying meetings in your mind, rewriting emails in your head at 2am, talking it through over and over, scanning for signs you messed up
Avoiding – doomscrolling, shopping, distracting, not bringing it up at all or downplaying how much it’s affecting you
Distancing from friends – pulling back, not wanting to admit you feel like you’re failing (even if you know your friends always see your strength)
More conflict in relationships – picking fights, feeling irritable, expecting more from others
Physical symptoms – like headaches, GI issues, muscle tension, trouble sleeping (or sleeping all the time)
Researching other jobs or careers – fantasizing about something with less visibility, even if this was your dream job
All these reactions make sense. But they’re also exhausting. And usually not very helpful long-term.
How Therapy Helps with Leadership Anxiety, Perfectionism, and People-Pleasing
In therapy with me, we don’t just talk about how to handle feedback better or navigate pushback from your team as a leader. Yes, we’ll work on those practical things, like boundaries, communication, and coping skills, because these are all important.
But we’ll also look at the deeper layers, the stuff you’ve been holding onto for so long—like the old beliefs about your worth, the pressure to hold everything together, the fear of being too much or not enough, and the patterns of perfectionism and people-pleasing that once protected you but may not fit your life anymore.
Therapy can help you feel safer being visible, being in leadership, disappointing people, being yourself in relationships, and honestly, safer in your own body.
And yes, even if you’re insightful, you’ve read all the books, and you feel like you “should” have this handled, therapy can help. Because there’s often a gap between understanding something intellectually and actually living it. Having a therapist for perfectionism who really gets it and the weight of being a high-achieving women can help you find some of those missing pieces and put them together.
And maybe most importantly: being in therapy means you’re not doing this all alone.
If you’re used to carrying a lot, and now you’re carrying even more, this might be the time to let someone support you. Not because you can’t handle it, but because you deserve support, and you deserve for this to feel lighter.
WHAT IF LEADING WITH CONFIDENCE DIDN'T HAVE TO FEEL SO HEAVY? START ONLINE THERAPY FOR PERFECTIONISM IN GARDEN CITY, NY
If you've been reading this and recognizing yourself—overworking to prove you belong, absorbing pushback like it's proof you're failing, or lying awake replaying every critique—you're not being too sensitive. You're experiencing what happens when perfectionism, anxiety, and people-pleasing collide with the pressure of a bigger role. At Balanced Connection Counseling, my Garden City–based practice, I work with high-achieving women who earned their leadership positions but can't stop feeling like they need to keep earning them every single day. In online therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, NY, we unpack the beliefs that keep you over-functioning, second-guessing your decisions, and measuring your leadership by how well-liked you are rather than how effectively you're leading. Working with an online therapist for perfectionism means having someone who understands the unique pressure of being successful and still feeling like you're falling short—and who can help you stop shrinking your authority so everyone else stays comfortable.
Learn more about me as an online therapist for perfectionism in New York
You don't have to be universally loved to be an exceptional leader. Therapy can help you start trusting the authority you've already earned.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT BALANCED CONNECTION COUNSELING
If pushback at work sends you into a spiral of self-doubt, over-functioning, or people-pleasing, there's usually something deeper driving that response. Anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, and the constant pressure to prove you deserve your seat at the table often show up alongside leadership struggles—making it feel impossible to hold your ground, trust your decisions, or stop over-explaining yourself. That's why I offer online therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, NY, along with specialized therapy for women navigating the emotional patterns that keep them absorbing criticism, softening their authority, and convincing themselves that pushback means they're doing something wrong. I help clients understand the deeper stories driving their need to be liked, approved of, and perfect in every role they step into. If you're exhausted from leading while constantly managing everyone else's comfort, therapy for perfectionism can offer a compassionate space to stop performing and start leading like you actually belong—because you do.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Adina Babad, LMHC-D, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and online therapist for perfectionism in Garden City and throughout New York State. She works with high-achieving, anxious perfectionists and people-pleasers who step into leadership roles and immediately feel the pressure to do it perfectly—women who absorb pushback like it's personal, over-function to prove they belong, and quietly wonder if they're really cut out for this even when every metric says they are. With warmth, clinical expertise, and a deep understanding of how perfectionism and anxiety show up in leadership, Adina helps clients untangle the beliefs that keep them people-pleasing through conflict, second-guessing their authority, and measuring their leadership by how comfortable everyone else feels. Through online therapy for perfectionism in Garden City, NY, she creates a compassionate space where you can explore the deeper patterns behind your need to be liked, approved of, and perfect in every room you walk into—so you can finally stop managing everyone else's reactions, trust the decisions you're making, and lead with the confidence you've already earned.